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Schizo Scott on Last Comic Standing and More
2007-06-15 21:06
by Scott Long

It's that time of the year when people ask me questions about my profession, since Last Comic Standing is making its annual summer appearance. Last year I made it to the finals of the Chicago competition. Overall, I consider my whole LCS experience as a positive one. Here are a few more thoughts of mine about the show.


The most important thing that needs to be considered when evaluating the show is first and foremost, it is a TV show. Last Comic Standing is looking for talented comics, but they are also are concerned with filling demographics. Most of the headlining club comics in the country are white guys between the ages of 35 and 50. This is not the demographic that NBC wants to attract. White guys (35-50) already know what toothpaste they like, what soda they are going to drink and what douche their wife prefers when they are shopping at the drug store. Advertisers want younger, more impressionable minds to see their marketing pitches.

I mention this because I was talking to some people who had watched the first episode and they commented that at the San Antonio audtions, the best comics didn't seem to be chosen. I don't know the reasons behind the choices, but I do know that 2 of the San Antonio finalists, Robert Hawkins and Phil Palisoul, are as funny as any comics I've ever worked with. They also didn't happen to make it to the next round. I would offer up the hypothesis that the Network honchos weren't looking for 2 balding, red-headed guys in their 40's.

So when you watch the show, realize that it isn't called Funniest Standup Comedian Walking the Earth. It is a reality show. The show's greatest accomplishment is that it introduces the viewing audience to people who actually think and share their unique insights on the world. They aren't chosen because they can do great kareoke versions of popular songs. They aren't on because they are hot and are willing to go out on dates with other attention-starved whores. They aren't on because they are morbidly obese and are willing to play freak show on a weekly basis. They might not be the next Carlin or Pryor, but to get some genuine wit during Prime Time is something that shouldn't be looked down upon.

Big bonus for 2007 is the show got rid of the horrible Anthony Clark and actually have a host, Bill Bellamy, with some energy. He's not as good as Jay Mohr, but it is definitely an improvement. I feel badly for the judges, as I'm not sure they are well-suited for what they are doing, but the gig definitely raises their profiles. Keep in mind that Kathleen Madigan is the best female standup comic I've ever seen. Alonzo Bodden is a really funny guy. And Ant...has a top-notch stylist, plastic surgeon, personal trainer, and most importantly, manager.


The White Sox have scored a total of 26 runs in their last 10 games. There is only one hitting coach that could turn them around.


I would be curious to know Don Imus' opinion on this story.


From an article in Cosmo (by way of the Sun), Jessica Alba mentions the following.

I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don't think a girl's a slut if she enjoys sex. I could have a one-night stand, and I'm the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, 'Do you really have to be here?' I don't need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don't try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don't feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don't really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have.

This quote is enough for me to consider Miss Alba a bit slutty...well, unless she includes in the group of men that she will just have sex with, middle-aged married men. Guys like this stud.



Speaking of middle-aged married men, now I see why Will Carroll doesn't have enough time to write for the Juiceblog, anymore. He's busy being a male escort. How long will it be until he joins up with Lance and Foster as a gold member? It's interesting that of all the medical jargon that is used in Will's Under the Knife column, the topic of cut or uncut never comes up.


Here is a picture of Carmen Electra, after she fell for my "hey, I dropped my pen, could you pick it up for me" trick. I've been using this gem since the year of the Bicentennial. Never fails. The last few items in this post is what makes the Juiceblog the finest pure baseball blog on the web.


2007-06-16 07:12:50
1.   Ravenscar
Carmen appears to need high-quality lingerie there.

The only comment I have on Jessica Alba is that a little piece of every dorky PA who ever worked on any film ever (including me) died a little bit when we found out she met her guy because he was a PA on one of her films.

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