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The Conversation I Can't Use
2008-04-17 08:15
by Will Carroll

The phone rings. Currently, my ringtone is Tenacious D's 'The Metal.' It's beginning to annoy me.

Will Carroll: Will Carroll.
FOT: Hey, it's A. Nonymous. What's up?
WC: Working and working. Wednesday's a pretty big media day for me and this Bedard thing is a pain in my ass.
FOT: I hear you. Read your thing about [PLAYER.] You know what it is.
WC: What is it?
FOT: PLAYER misses his needle.
WC: *sigh*
FOT: You know that guy was using. It shouldn't surprise you that he's [EXPERIENCING SYMPTOM.]
WC: He's never tested positive.
FOT: But you know it.
WC: I suspect it, but even with something more, I can't write it.
FOT: Why not?
WC: Because according to one guy or another, I could write it about half the players in the league and I'd be wrong about half, I just couldn't tell which half.
FOT: So?
WC: I can't be wrong half the time. I can't be wrong and not get a flood. Look at the Bedard thing.
FOT: Looking.
WC: Golden source and still the M's won't comment. Actually, won't even return my call, but that's not so much a surprise.
FOT: Silent confirm?
WC: I don't know. I don't even like the concept. I wouldn't comment on anything I said if I was a team. We've had this conversation about how I'd handle media if I was with a team.
FOT: Yes.
WC: So besides the idea that I'd be furthering speculation without evidence and giving false impressions, not to mention the de facto slander ...
FOT: Libel.
WC: Whatever. I always mix those up.
FOT: You'd have learned that in J-school.
WC: I didn't go, thanks for the reminder.
FOT: But you know I'm right.
WC: I don't *know* you're right. It wouldn't surprise me if you're right. But let's say he did. Is he so good that you want to hold him up as some paragon of steroid efficacy?
FOT: No, I want to explain why he's {EXPERIENCING SYMPTOM.]
WC: Positive test?
FOT: I heard he has a strike on greenies.
WC: Really? That actually surprises me, though I have no idea why.
FOT: He plays baseball. It shouldn't surprise you.
WC: But still no positive for steroids or anything like it.
FOT: No but ...
WC: There's no 'but' here. He's not getting some BALCO secret sauce and we're talking about a difference between this year, which is tested, and last year, which was tested. If he was using last year, why isn't he using this year?
FOT: *pause*
WC: No good answer?
FOT: I still bet he's missing his needle.
WC: Do we have to have the conversation about most steroids being taken orally?
FOT: I have to get back to work. Heard anything about Sabathia being hurt?
WC: No, but he's killing my fantasy team and he'd better look better tonight or I'm going to do something rash.
FOT: I hear you. Later.
WC: Late.

This is a paraphrase of an actual conversation. Names and details have been changed to provide plausible deniability.

2008-04-17 09:12:25
1.   Eric Stephen
Will, is this how conversations about Chad Billingsley's injury-proneness begin?
2008-04-17 11:30:57
2.   Todd S
Good insight, Will.

And thanks for pitching in for Scott since he must have his hands full right now (this is just speculation on my part, so if I'm wrong I apologize). It's hard enough dealing with one newborn; I don't want to attempt two at once.

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