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The 20 Candy Bars that Should Be on the Shelves
2007-10-31 10:05
by Scott Long

Following up my latest Please Explain piece, here are the 20 that I think should be in your candy bar aisle. They are in no particular order because sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.

  1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
  2. Snickers
  3. Butterfinger
  4. M&M's
  5. Heath Bar
  6. Twix
  7. Kit Kat
  8. Nestle Crunch
  9. 100 Grand
  10. Milky Way
  11. 3 Musketeers
  12. Rolo
  13. Junior Mints
  14. Raisenets
  15. Sugar Babies
  16. Whoppers
  17. Payday (Hard to find in midwest, but are superior to Salted Nut Roll)
  18. Almond Joy
  19. Mounds
  20. Take 5 (The best of the more recent candy bar products.)

Added notes: Anything made by the NECCO company is most likely going to be really bad. See Clark bars and NECCO wafers, for best proof.

Whatchamacallit and Zero bars should be pulled off the shelves by Hershey.

Hard to find now, but the Zagnut bar was a staple on the shelves up until the 90's. When Eddie Murphy is bitching about being hungry in 48 Hours and Nick Nolte gets him a Zagnut bar from the vending machine, there is no better way of demonstrating your disgust with a person. A Zagnut for dinner is something that should be a torture technique used at Gitmo, if waterboarding doesn't work.

The Marathon bar (see comments about Curly Wurly), is the candy bar that should still be on the shelves that is not in production in America, today. The only other candy bar that I liked that doesn't exist anymore was the Milkshake. It wasn't usually that fresh, since it was not a big seller, but the malted flavoring made it worth getting, occasionally.

The Cadbury Mini egg should be made year round, because it is the best little piece of chocolate which is made on a mass scale. It blows away the Hershey's kiss.

Comments
2007-10-31 10:38:55
1.   Ali Nagib
"Abba Zaba....you my only friend."
2007-10-31 10:42:06
2.   ToyCannon
No "Milk Duds"?
2007-10-31 10:46:47
3.   Scott Long
I would rate the Rolo as much better. I guess at the Movies, a Milk Dud is fine, but otherwise, go with Rolo.
2007-10-31 10:49:55
4.   joejoejoe
Necco Skybar rocks. It's 4 candybars in one. Fudge, caramel, peanut and vanilla nougat.
2007-10-31 10:55:18
5.   Scott Long
The Skybar concept is good, but the flavor from NECCO ingredients always seems really artificial. Kind of like breast feeding on Pamela Anderson.
2007-10-31 10:56:43
6.   geb4000
Where's Baby Ruth?
2007-10-31 11:02:30
7.   joejoejoe
5 I saw a show on Food Network that suggested Necco makes a years supply of Skybars in one day. Perhaps the reason Skybars taste odd is they are always stale. I think the assembly line that makes Skybars is like 70 years old and it's cost prohibitive to run the line more frequently for smaller batches.
2007-10-31 11:05:44
8.   StolenMonkey86
no love for the Hershey bar, I see.

I started eating 3 Musketeers bars when my orthodontist told me those ones were ok with braces.

2007-10-31 11:05:48
9.   kngoworld
Rolo and Dr. Pepper. Great combination. Pop a Rolo and wash the caramel down with the Dr. and you are in for a real treat.
2007-10-31 11:05:52
10.   Scott Long
Read Please Explain piece below on why Baby Ruth should be retired.

Sounds right Joe3. I think I watched the same episode of Unwrapped.

2007-10-31 11:07:57
11.   Scott Long
Stolen Monkey. If you are over 21, it is time to spend the extra dough and buy a Ghiardelli's, Cadbury, or Dove real chocolate bar. The Hersheys chocolate is best when poured over something else, like a Snickers.
2007-10-31 11:09:27
12.   Scott Long
When I did the Dr Pepper piece, someone else I remember brought up the Rolo combo concept. I will have to try it. I used to love to eat a Payday or Salted Nut Roll with a 7UP.
2007-10-31 11:14:20
13.   Cliff Corcoran
11 Except Snickers is a M&M/Mars product.

I gotta have Reese's Pieces on that list if you're including bite-size candies. Note: Reese's Pieces are best if you hold the bag in your hand for a while to warm/soften them up a bit. I think Sugar Babies would be the easiest thing to eliminate to make room for them, though since I don't like coconut or fruit and chocolate together I could pass on the Raisinets, Mounds, and Almond Joy as well.

2007-10-31 11:17:51
14.   Cliff Corcoran
12 Good lord, candy and soda together! The only time I do that is when I have a giant coke and a big-ass box of Cracker Jacks at Yankee Stadium. When I do that, I get so wired I can see the future.
2007-10-31 11:22:47
15.   Scott Long
Good point on the Snickers. Should have said Kit Kat.

I don't like chocolate and soda together, but since the Payday doesn't have chocolate, it works.

Cliff, why don't you grab a box and a soda, because I'm curious about the what the Yankees future looks like.

Reese's Pieces are just okay. Actually, the M&M peanut butter are better.

2007-10-31 11:32:43
16.   vockins
Riesen?

Maybe Rolo covers it, but the nature of the Rolo is that you hammer through them in 45 seconds, but the Riesen is satisfying for maybe ten minutes.

2007-10-31 11:37:21
17.   Scott Long
A Riesen is a more high end candy. Not really a candy bar, from what I know, as they are usually sold in larger bags. Am I right on this one?
2007-10-31 11:45:34
18.   vockins
17 It's available in a supermarket candy bar type packaging, but I guess you're right about the most common distribution being the individually wrapped pieces.

Has anybody mentioned the Zero bar? Disgusting confectionery. I remember eating the apple and the boxes of raisins in the Halloween loot before I'd touch that thing. Who buys that? Communists?

2007-10-31 11:47:10
19.   thelarmis
reese's has a new candy bar out that is pretty awesome - Crispy Crunchy. it's a little messy and it's a terrible name, but it's such a great candy bar.

for Twix, i dig the peanut butter version. they had discontinued it a coupla times, but it's back now.

speaking of discontinued candy bars... the original Bar None was cool. i don't like caramel or nougat, so when it changed i was done.

BIG ? -- anyone here possibly remember the Summit Bar?!?! i used to love it as a kid, but i was young and it's been gone forever. i can see the wrapper in my minds eye, but can't remember what the hell was in it for the life of me. any help?

2007-10-31 11:48:45
20.   dianagramr
ESPN Page 2 wants you to rank the best candies for Halloween ...

http://tinyurl.com/2zqboo

2007-10-31 12:13:29
21.   godvls
I'd have to add the vastly underrated U-NO bar to the list. They're getting harder and harder to find these days.
2007-10-31 12:23:57
22.   JL25and3
16 Is there anything on that list that lasts more than 45 seconds? A Snickers bar is, what, three bites?
2007-10-31 12:36:30
23.   ToyCannon
3
Your right, Rolo is my favorite. Just thought I'd see what the feeling on the ole dud was.

I love the Riesen.

2007-10-31 12:37:02
24.   thelarmis
well, since this is a baseball site, someone has to mention the REG-GIE! bar! the 2nd wave, in the mid-90's for Reggie Day, were amazing. i think it was peanut butter instead of caramel and it was awesome. i have an empty box of it at my folks house...

did some research on the Summit bar...

2007-10-31 12:44:55
25.   vockins
22 Of the 20, the only one that could even approach the speed with which I consume the Rolo is Twix or Almond Joy/Mounds, and I'd say it takes me twice as long to consume one of those.
2007-10-31 12:45:01
26.   MC Safety
i would have to say Skor bars are better than Heath bars by a wide margin. Also inexplicably absent is the wonderful Oh Henry! candy bar those are quite the treat when it comes to mainstream checkout line candy bars imo.
2007-10-31 12:54:25
27.   Schteeve
The future Yankees look like a Baby Ruth. :(
2007-10-31 12:59:47
28.   VT Yankee
Anybody ever tried an Aero bar? I only see them in Canada now, but remember them in the US for a while. They are amazing, very smooth chocolate mousse texture/flavor
2007-10-31 13:32:16
29.   Ken Arneson
26 Skor!

That always cracks me up just thinking about it. Remember those old TV commercials for Skor where they had a bunch of Swedish people speaking Swedish telling you how great this Swedish candy bar "Skor" is?

The funny thing is this: "skor" is the Swedish word for "shoes".

Mmmm...shoes!

In Sweden, "Skor" is called "Dajm", pronounced "Dime", which is why they had to change the name in the US, because obviously, it costs more than 10 cents. But...naming your Swedish candy bar "shoes?"

2007-10-31 13:39:50
30.   Scott Long
I found the Skor bar superior to Heath, but it was discontinued when Hershey's bought the Heath bar out.

I discussed the Reggie bar in my last piece. I discussed the Zero bar in this piece.

The Crispy Crunchy Bar by Reese's sounded great, but it is very messy and leaves a burn in your throat aftertaste that makes it a product that should be sold with a glass of milk. Still way better than most of the other Reese's spinoff products.

2007-10-31 14:12:37
31.   be2ween
5 Implants do not block the ability to breast-feed. I know. My wife has 'em (they were in before we met - I, as a rule, am not big on 'em), and my first boy never went hungry. Nor will my second, being delivered Friday!
I kinda like those 'Big Cherry' or the 'Cherry Mash' in my Top 20.
And the 'Oh Henry'! Gotta have that one. Respect!
2007-10-31 15:16:26
32.   MC Safety
I was not aware Skor was discontinued for the Heath bar's sake. That's too bad. Still no love for the Oh Henry! bar. The best chocolate peanutty nougatey candy bar by far. Must be a California thing.
2007-10-31 15:24:17
33.   chris in illinois
The SKOR bar is alive and well----in central Illinois anyway----as is the PayDay bar, available everywhere in my neck of the woods.

(BTW, with candy corn widely available right about now, eat a handful of candy corn and the same amount of salted peanuts---presto, change-o...PAYDAY bar!!!)

The GooGoo cluster is a Southern thing and completely awesome.

I, too, long for a Marathon Bar...hmmmmm...

2007-10-31 15:49:33
34.   rstevens99
GooGoos are wonderful, if a little sweet. They can be found at most Bed, Bath and Beyond stores.

The chocolate covered Payday was a favorite of mine, but it doesn't seem to be in production anymore.

By far the best candy bar in the world is the Coffee Crisp, available in Canada for 30 years or more, but never here in the USA, for some reason. I did find some at Fry's elecronics in Anaheim, CA in September, though.

2007-10-31 16:23:38
35.   fanerman
I hate lists. But I see that Reese's, Snickers, and Twix are on the list. So I'm okay.
2007-10-31 16:34:21
36.   metz
If you want something that will last for more than 25 seconds you have to go with skittles or bit 'o honey. Both of those will leave your jaw muscles cramping.

I've never understood the appeal of 3 musketeers bars. I hate the combination of chocolate & nuget by themselves.

If I want sugar I dive into the Hot Tamales. I love those things. If I want Chocolate and want low end I'll take anything in your top 5 in your order but I've taken a very strong liking to good dark chocolate these days. We'll see what I can snag from the kids tonight.

Now you have to put up a top 20 candy list (no chocolate allowed) :-)

2007-10-31 16:44:05
37.   Scott Long
Congrats Mr. be2ween! The shot was more at all the fakeness which is pam anderson, but the implants were part of the rip. While I prefer natural, I think some women are enhanced by them. The rule on breast implants is if you can't tell they are implants, they are good ones.

I was off on the Skor bar. Heath was bought by Hershey and it has really affected the Skor bar's distribution, but they are still made. I think if the name, Skor, is the worst name for a candy bar and it has hurt its chances of competing with Heath. The Payday is a second class citizen in the midwest to the Salted Nut Roll, in store presence and promotion.

Candy corn sucks ass.

Truthfully, I could live with just the top 7 on my list and not miss the others. Well, maybe Rolo and a Payday, but the others I might eat once a year.

2007-10-31 16:45:11
38.   Scott Long
Sounds like a good list, Metz. I will have to do it, even though it will annoy fanerman.
2007-10-31 17:18:27
39.   Bluebleeder87
8

I'm old school by nature so for me the original Hershey bar is by far the best tasting chocolate bar for your buck.

2007-10-31 17:22:02
40.   overkill94
Can't say I'm a big fan of Heath bars (too hard), Raisenets (not a big raisin fan), Mounds (not a big coconut fan), and Almond Joy (Pay Day's the only candy bar I want with a lot of nuts in it).

I actually really like Whatchamacallits, they have their own unique tangy taste.

One that I haven't seen mentioned is Nutrageous which might actually be my favorite candy bar out there. It's got nuts - but not too many - and it's got the peanut butter filling that makes Reese's so good.

2007-10-31 18:12:04
41.   vockins
30 I guess thought Zero wasn't covered since I expected 4500 words on how much it sucks.
2007-10-31 20:09:56
42.   Scott Long
I can't say I feel much differently about the candy Overkill mentions. The point was that each of the top 20 I mention fill a specific niche. My Please Explain beef is what is the purpose behind so many of these other candy bars still being on the market. Each one of these 20 have their own unique fans. There might be sometimes when Mounds, Junior Mints, or raisnets sounds better than eating a snickers, peanut butter cup, or a butterfinger. It is hard for me to understand why someone would choose a 5th Avenue or Whatchamacallit over one of the Top 10 I list.
2007-10-31 22:34:41
43.   chris in illinois
Here my shot at actually explaining the existence of these other candy bars:

Variety is the spice of life.

I love most of the top 20, but I'd grow pretty tired of any one of them if I had them every day. I love Goose Island IPA...love, love, love it, but I don't drink it every day---even though I drink a beer or three every day. I'd get bored with the IPA if I drank it too much.

I think Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti is a superior album to much of what I listen to on a daily basis, but even though it's better it would still get old if I only listened to it and nineteen other favorites to the exclusion of all other, lesser, albums.

I hope this makes sense, I need to feed the baby now...

2007-10-31 22:39:55
44.   Cliff Corcoran
By the way, am I the only one that really dislikes Butterfingers? They're hard to bite, hard to chew, get stuck in your teeth, look like a rusted out piece of metal when you bite into them, and have that burning aftertaste Scott mentions regarding the new Reese's product above.

Is it just me?

2007-10-31 22:43:47
45.   Scott Long
First, good luck with the feeding. Oh and whatever you do, don't give the baby a Zagnut bar.

Here's the deal with variety. There are 20 different versions of variety listed. My difficulty is with eating an inferior product, (5th Avenue) when there is a superior version of it, (butterfinger), already out there. It just doesn't seem to make much sense to me. Thus, the Please Explain.

There are times when Physical Graffiti is the best record in the world to me, as well. No Please Explain needed on that one.

2007-10-31 22:46:43
46.   Scott Long
Cliff, I agree with everything you mention about them, but they are still awesome, despite it. It is the buttery taste. They are one of my favorites, frozen, as well.
2007-11-01 08:35:25
47.   Penarol1916
What is the superior version of the Tootsie Roll?
2007-11-01 10:13:55
48.   StolenMonkey86
11 - I'm more up for something like the Lindt Truffles, but I do think the Hershey bar has its place. It's probably more useful out of Costco, though, when you want to make smores for a group of people, or something like that.

Why over 21 though? I am, but what does that have to do with it? Am I supposed to eat candy bars while sipping a Chardonnay or something?

Also, where's the York peppermint pattie? Or was Junior Mints the token mint item?

2007-11-01 16:29:57
49.   Voxter
Here's something I learned from my first ever Haloween givng out candy: Kids these days do not like the Butterfinger. At the beginning of the night, Butterfingers made up maybe 20% of what I had in my bowl, and at the end of the night, they were 50% of what was left.

In fact, kids' candy tastes have come much more in line with my own since I was a child. My Paydays vanished almost immediately. As a kid, I loved Payday (still do), and loathed Butterfinger (still do) -- but apparently this was ass-backwards to how everybody else felt. This shook out okay because I could usually trade a Butterfinger for two Paydays, but I always thought it was weird. Now, everybody loves the Payday, and nobody wants the Butterfinger.

Reason #114 of my 500 reasons why I do not want to live in the Midwest: Paydays are hard to find. (Had not known this before.) Without the Payday, I'm pretty much not interested in candy.

2007-11-01 18:07:12
50.   chris in illinois
Again, I'm not sure why Scott said that Paydays are hard to find in the midwest---I'd be shocked if any gas station from St. Louis to Chicago wasn't a 'Payday opportunity'.

A few reasons to live in the Midwest:

62. No Wildfires.
119. Zero Earthquakes (of substance anyway).
201. Very nearly zero Yankee fans.
276. Reasonably priced housing---outside of Chicago-area anyway.
333. I've never met a 'life coach'.
388. PayDays as far as the eye can see---Sam's Club sells 'em for $10 a box (of 36).

I've got more...

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