Just like the fat that it is them, the candy bar market is completely oversaturated. When there should be at tops, 20 different low-end candy bars, there are 100's. Truthfully, I don't get why many of them still exist, taking away more space that should go to the Snickers or M&M's that are constantly being bought up.

I can remember as a child, on Halloween, one of our neighbors would give out Clark bars. Now, these aren't the worst in their field, but why not give out a Butterfinger. The battle between Butterfinger and Clark is over and Butterfinger has won. No need for a Clark bar was the overall war cry, which is why you hardly ever see it anymore. This is not the case for the 5th Avenue bar, which I have no understanding how it gets any shelf space. Who is buying a 5th Avenue bar? I mean, most 5th Avenue bars must be pretty stale, considering it takes a couple of years for enough people to buy out the box.

There are lots of different variations that work in the candy bar, but marshmallows should only be connected to chocolate in a smore. Oh and just because a fresh smore is delicious doesn't mean that it can be duplicated in a wrapped candy bar, which Hershey's S'more proves. Have you ever had a Goo Goo Cluster? Not a good choice. Or how about the Mallo Cup? The concept behind the Mallo Cup is let's take all the perfect deliciousness of the Reese's and replace the key ingredient, its creamy peanut butter filling with the completely artificial sponge which is packaged marshmallow.

As perfect as the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is, let me mention that there is no need to mess with the original. Currently, you can get reformulated versions with Caramel (surprisingly disappointing), Crispy crunchy (another weak Butterfinger pretender), ReesesSticks (wafers are never good with real chocolate poured over them, except for Kit Kat's), Fast Break (no 2 people ever accidently got their peanut butter and nougat mixed and thought it was good), and Whipps (a peanut butter version of 3 Musketeers which is really awful). While E.T. dug them, even Reese's Pieces can't compete with an M&M. While it is the best Reese's spin off, the product's name, Nutrageous creates an image to me of an all male version of Oh Calcutta. It comes down to the simple fact that you can take the best chocolate and the best peanut butter, mix them, and they will not reach the level of delight which is already contained in a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. So don't waste your time experimenting with their other products, stick to the original. Oh and when you do, pronounce it Reese's, not Reesie's, like my wife and some other people I've heard refer to them.

The number 1 candy bar in America is the Snickers bar. Now as much as I love baseball, the Baby Ruth and O'Henry bar cannot compete. (Yes, I know neither were named after Babe Ruth or Hank Aaron, but they have connections with them, as Aaron even did ads for O'Henry during his Home Run King days. Don't get me started on the waste that was the Reggie bar.) If you are craving chocolate, caramel, nougat and peanuts, Snickers has the best flavor. I just don't see why anyone is going for an inferior product, especially since the Snickers has to be fresher, considering that I would guess they sell 20 to every 1 of the it's direct competitors.

A candy bar should be rectangular in shape, unless it is the glorious Reese's Cup. The Chunky bar features a thick brick of chocolate, which doesn't texturally work, especially considering that raisins shouldn't be in a candy bar. Raisinet's work, but they aren't a candy bar. Another shape that doesn't work is the rounded glob, which is the Bun or Nut Goodie made by Pearson's. Not only do these products have a bad shape, but they feature maple, which is only good on pancakes.

Pearson's does produce one quality offering, the Salted Nut Roll. Here is the one candy bar that is an exception that chocolate should be involved. The Payday bar is different enough that I think you could make an argument that it is better, but just like RC Cola, this isn't enough to justify it's existence. There is not a large enough market for chocolate-less candy bars and the Salted Nut Roll has won the battle. On the subject of chocolate free candy bars, the Chick-o-Stick is the worst named, weirdest looking candy ever created in America. A mix of peanut butter and coconut. Who the hell is buying this candy?

On the subject of coconut, it is a strange flavor which seems like just an occasional treat to desire. It kind of reminds me of Dr. Pepper, as I see why there is a demand, but not to the extent that it's sales demonstrate. Why there is enough of a market that both Mounds and Almond Joy exist is beyond me. Why not make just the Almond Joy and for the people who don't like almonds, pick them off the top. Hey, it's not that difficult.

Sure its size is Lexington Steele-esque in dimension, but the Charleston Chew's flavored nougat is more artificial tasting than munching between a Real Doll's legs. If you were the Walton's during the depression, maybe it made economic sense to purchase a Charleston Chew, but not now.

Some candy bars served their purposes, but just like 1000 Island dressing*, they have been eclipsed by better options at your local convenience store in 2007. I'm talking about the candy bars which make up the miniatures that Hershey sells. Leading this list is the Mr. Goodbar. When you take a bite of a Mr. Goodbar, it tastes like you are munching on something from the 1950's. Krackel is not much better, as the Nestle Krunch bar is the superior choice. I know this will be controversial, but do you really want to eat a Hershey's Chocolate bar anymore? Drop a couple more quarters and go for a Ghirardelli's or a Dove bar.

While I do think the Hershey's basic chocolate bar is second-rate, I'm not a snob about candy bars. I just don't understand why the likes of the 5th Avenue bar and its compadres are still as prevelant on the shelf. Please Explain to me the existence of the second-tier candy bars?

(*1000 Island dressing should only exist for Reuben sandwiches. My guess is that within 20 years, it will be off of the menu at most restaurants, as most of its fans are over 70. The only way you could buy ranch dressing was in seasoning packages, until the 1980's, thus senior citizens never learned to accept it as an option.)