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Live at Gotham on Comedy Central
2006-08-02 21:50
by Scott Long
Notes:
Scott Long is now blogging at NSFWsports.com.
Will Carroll can still be found at Baseball Prospectus.

This year Comedy Central has replaced Premium Blend with a new stand-up program titled "Live at Gotham." The Gotham Comedy Club looks beautiful on television and the creators of the show have done an excellent job of having quality comics on the show. This Friday night, one of my closest friends, Dan Cummins, will be performing on the show. I highly recommend catching his act, as Dan is one of the best comics working the circuit. Patton Oswalt is hosting.

Another younger comic who has been part of my comedy mentoring program, Tommy Johnagin, will be appearing on next Friday's episode. This episode is hosted by one of the top comedians in America, Bill Burr.

Today will kick off a new feature that will appear at thejuiceblog. I have posted some road stories that have occured to me and I thought it would be interesting for our readers to get some strange occurences that have happened to some other comics. Below is an incident that happened to Tommy Johnagin. Enjoy.

The gift of porn from a stranger.

Last week I returned to Cedar Falls, Iowa and did a couple shows at the bar/dance club/pool hall/comedy club. I was there a year ago and had almost forgotten what happened until I pulled into the drive. This club is a place known by comedians who have performed there as the club where a local woman and her husband give you some good ol'homemade porn. They are swingers with a camera is what it boils down to. Kind of an important detail of the story is that they aren't the most attractive people ever. Most likely if she were hot, I wouldn't be complaining.

I have had offers from audience members to go out with them or come to their house and eat lunch but never an offer to watch them make the whoopee on DVD. After the first show, she stayed true to her legend and she came up to me with her husband. They barely introduced themselves before asking if I would like one of her videos. At first I thought the offer came out of nowhere, but then realized there is no smooth way of asking that question. "Great show, you are very funny. Where do you live, and oh, would you like a video of me banging some guy in a cheap hotel room?" So I guess they had to strike as soon as they had the chance.

I accepted her porn to be polite and because I was curious. About two minutes after handing me the video the husband says I guess we know what you'll be doing later, nudging me in my ribs and winking. Insinuating not only will I be masturbating but masturbating to his wife. Honestly after the majority of my shows someone could insinuate my evening ending in masturbation and be correct, but that doesn't make it ok. I wanted to say something but if I denied his accusations I envisioned him being offended saying, "what my wife ain't good enough to pleasure yourself to?" So I grinned awkwardly and looked at the ground ashamed of the situation.

I enjoy porn and think it should be available to everyone. WHEN THEY WANT IT. I don't need the Johnny Appleseed of adult film giving me free samples at a bar.

The next night the couple is at the show again, and to be honest I was a little afraid. I thought if they gave me homemade porn as soon as we met, what are they going to feel comfortable doing on our second meeting? "Hey we were getting ready to go have intercourse in the bathroom. Wanna join us?" Luckily that didn't come up because to be polite, I would have said yes.

After the show they came up to talk to me and it was almost normal until the husband started asking questions. He asked if I watched the video and what I thought about it. I don't know how to review good porn, let alone one filmed on earthquake vision at a crappy hotel. This porn had the quality of a third grade dance recital filmed by someones aunt who just bought the camera. What I thought to be the oddest thing was everyone at the bar knew about the couple and apparently thought it was normal. I think it would make a good "Twilight Zone" episode where everything is exactly the same, except that when you meet someone instead of shaking your hand, they give you homemade porn.

I finally decided maybe I was the problem and they weren't weird at all. I was rude and I shouldn't have been so judgmental about their life choices. So I apologized for not being very polite and ended the night with a seven person orgy in the DJ booth.

(Thanks Tommy. Make sure to check his calendar and check him out when he comes to your town. Especially the next time he is featuring for me.)

Comments
2006-08-03 01:42:26
1.   joejoejoe
There must be something in the water in the Quad Cities that makes average people freaky. I needed new glasses when I was at college and my choice was a big black pair of Buddy Holly glasses. The same night I got the new specs me and a bunch of friends went to Rock Island for the weekend for some kind of Blues fest across the river. The whole ride from Chicago to Rock Island my buddies ragged me about my 'birth control' glasses (so ugly nobody would sleep with me). So we get to Rock Island and stop in a local bar for a beer. I'm not there 5 minutes before this buxom middle aged lady walks in with her girlfriend, walks past me at the bar, grabs my ass and says "Nice glasses".

The Quad Cities are freaky.

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