Baseball Toaster was unplugged on February 4, 2009.
scott@scottlongonline.com
Early on in my comedy career, I wrote a bit about a couple that were friends of mine playing something called the exception game. The concept was that you were able to pick 3 celebrities that you were able to sleep with that would not be considered cheating. This was back in 1995, so the 3 guys the wife chose were Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Tom Cruise. The husband then responds by saying that "go ahead, knock it out, if you think you can do it. Cuz I would sleep Cindy Crawford is she offered." The wife then proceeds to start crying saying "how could you do this to the sanctity of our relationship?" As the mediator, I step in and mention that she should calm down and look at the reality of the conversation. I offer up to her "that do you think that Cindy Crawford is trolling the streets of the (insert your favorite redneck hamlet) looking for a 400 pound plumber?"
Some comedy bits don't translate well to the written word and while I would not rate it as one of my best jokes, it has been money in the bank since '95. I found out later that the following year, there was a "Friends" episode that discussed this topic, only calling it the laminated list. Will has been threatening to put up his own list all year, but maybe Harold Reynolds' lawyer gave him some advice to keep it to himself. Below is my list. Please feel free to offer up your own selections.
Scott's 2006 Exception Game List
Elizabeth Shue- The only woman to be on my list for the past 20 years, I've had a thing for Ms. Shue since "Adventures in Babysitting." She proved her acting chops in "Leaving Las Vegas", while she was sexy even in brain-dead fare like "Cocktail." She has a degree in government from Harvard, so she's smarter than me, but I could look past that.
Gina Gershon- Co-star with Shue in the movie "Palmetto", Gershon just oozes sexuality. With the most sensuous mouth I've ever seen and an attitude that says she is kinkier than you've ever thought of being, she hits me as the ultimate one-night stand. Bonus: If you watch "Bound" or "Showgirls", it would appear that she might be willing to bring a friend along for the ride.
Charlize Theron- The most beautiful face I've ever seen. I know this sounds creepy, but I could be physically satisfied just looking at her head on a pillow. (Calling David Cronenberg.) Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous, but she has a really cool personality when she appears on talk shows. And in the celebrity world we live in, the best way to get a feel for a person is watching them on Conan.
Eva Mendes- From the first time I saw her appear on the screen in "Training Day", I was floored by her beauty. A latin Cindy Crawford is how I would describe her. She's sexy and has proven she has a comedic flair as well, but let's be honest, a face and an ass like hers trump funny in any contest.
Eliza Dushku- I've never been a regular watcher of any TV show she has appeared on (Buffy, Angel, Tru Calling), but everytime I see her on the screen, I have to stop and gawk. She has gorgeous brown eyes, a luscious mouth, beautiful long hair, and it appears like every part of her body is built for pleasure.
These are my Top 5 for this year. I have listed 5 more smokin' hot babes that just missed my illustrious list. Sorry ladies, but don't be discouraged, there is always next year. (insert smiley face)
Hottest TV actress: Katherine Heigl
Hottest TV newswoman: Heidi Collins
Hottest Model: Adrianna Lima
Hottest Musician: Julie Roberts
Hottest Athlete: Katarina Witt
Now it's your turn.
(UPDATE: Will chimes in)
I've resisted putting up my list for a better portion of a year, so Scott has to taunt me into it. Here's my list, sans comedy gold.
1. Jodie Foster: Smart, sexy, confident, and always willing to go her own way, Foster's been a longtime list denizen for me. I love women that will look as good at 40 as they do at 20 and Foster just gets better with age. I'm sure Mistah Tony will be saying that she's "still getting it done" years from now.
2. Shakira: I have no idea what she's saying most of the time, but hearing her say it is enough to make me want to learn Spanish. Then again, I don't really care what she's saying. She had me before hello. Jenny from the block may have made Latin hot, but Shakira perfected it. (Roselyn Sanchez gets an honorable mention here.)
3. Lindsay Lohan: She's bad. She's drunk or drugged out half the time. She's talented and wasting it. That's fine. She still has the potential to go back and recapture the form of the young Ann-Margret she once was and grab an Oscar. America loves a comeback and I'll admit a weakness for underdogs, redheads, and freckles.
4. Kristin Bell: Veronica Mars might be the best show on TV, but it's certainly competing with How I Met Your Mother for hottest cast. Kristen Bell is talented (check out her singing, always a way to get me), loves to cook, and gets ten points for "sassy."
(Honorable mentions to Alyson Hannigan, Charisma Carpenter, and Cobie Smulders.)
5. Jenn Sterger: I won't rehash my gushing here. You can page down for that. She's my Isabella Rossellini.
Hottest TV actress not mentioned: Marg Helgenberger
Hottest TV newswoman: Soledad O'Brien
Hottest Model: models bore me
Hottest Musician: Miranda Lambert
Hottest Athlete: Danica Patrick
5) cute in Karate Kid
4) vulnerable in Cocktail
3) spunky in Soapdish
2) heartbreaking in Leaving Las Vegas
1) Adventures in Babysitting opening credits - enough to make you fall in love with her (I realize you're talking more about lust.)
Soapdish is a really funny, underrated movie. Kevin Kline might be the best comedic actor not named Bill Murray, of the past 20 years.
SB's 2006 Exception Game List
1. Salma Hayek
2. Salma Hayek
3. Salma Hayek
4. Salma Hayek
5. Salma Hayek
Salma Hayek is also the answer to the other categories.
Hottest TV actress: I'm sure she has appeared on television.
Hottest TV newswoman: She probably imitated a reporter for kicks at one time in her life.
Hottest Model: There has never been a bad picture of her.
Hottest Musician: She probably took lessons.
Hottest Athlete: She's in excellent shape, probably because of some kind of sport.
Thanks, Scott. That was easy.
1) Audrey Tautou
2) Nathan Fillion
3) Maria Sharapova
4) Eliza Dushku
Maria Sharapova would tower over me, but that's okay. I've had the hots for Dushku since "Buffy" season 3, and it hasn't waned even with all the crap she's been in. I long ago decided that Nathan Fillion, a little-known actor most often cited for his work with Joss Whedon, was the hottest man on the planet, and I'm sticking to it. Audrey Tautou? If it were up to me, every girl I dated would look like Audrey Tautou.
TV actress: Lauren Graham. An eccentric choice, driven by the fact that, to be completely crude about it, she has the best rear end I've ever seen.
TV newswoman: I don't watch TV news.
Hottest model: I don't know any. The only one I can think of off the top of my head is Kate Moss, and I'm loathe to list her as "hot" anywhere.
Hottest musician: Most of the musicians I listen to are skinny dudes who work mostly with laptops. I guess I'll go with Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star.
Hottest athlete: See above re: Maria Sharapova.
2.) Jennifer Connelly
3.) Helena Bonham Carter
(Others will crop up in my head later and I'll think "oh, wait, no, I forgot..." Oh, see, here's one already, Mario Bello.)
TV Actress: I've had a thing for Maura Tierney for a long time.
Newswoman - I've been searching all morning (ok, 10 minutes) on google for a local hispanic anchor here in NYC who wears glasses and I can't find her. But her.
Musician - I'm going to go with Mia Matsumia of the NYC band Kayo Dot
Athlete - WE can't say because WE don't want to get Scott or anyone else in trouble as she' still rather young, but WE simply can't look away when she's onscreen.
1)Natalie Portman- Beautiful, just beautiful,
2)Jessica Alba - How she hasn't made any of your lists, Ill never know...shame shame :-)
3)Charlize Theron - and I dont even like blonds
4)Eva Longoria
5)Eliza Dishku
Hottest TV actress not mentioned: Katherine Bell
Hottest TV newswoman: I read my news on Yahoo@
Hottest Model: That Chick who won Miss Universe
Hottest Musician: Shakira, but only for the past year
Hottest Athlete(s): The U of Texas Tennis team (caught them when they played UCLA, a group of tall, slender, bronze skinned dark blondes that play with...no, I wont say it...) Though I guess they arent really celbrities. For celebrities Id go with D Patrick
2. Eva Green
3. Eva Green
4. Eva Green
5. Eva Green
However, Jenny Lewis gets a shout out in the musician category and Sharapova in the athlete category.
1. Anne Hathaway
2. Jessica Biel
3. Jessica Alba
4. Keria Knightley
5. Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Hottest TV actress: Hmm Jennifer Aniston's not on TV anymore.. Kelly Ripa?
Hottest TV newswoman: I don't watch the news, so I picked two musicians.
Hottest Model: Adrianna Lima.. yeah, she wins.
Hottest Musician: Shakira, Pink.
Hottest Athlete: Amanda Beard
2. Lindsay Lohan. Only if I can trade in the skanked-out partier for the LL seen in "Freaky Friday" and "Mean Girls." Then again, she wasn't yet 18 when those movies were shot, so let's just forge ahead before I unwittingly commit some cybercrime that was surreptiously tucked into the PATRIOT Act.
3. Angel Boris. Playboy centerfold, B-movie actress ("Boa vs. Python"), lithe hottie.
4. Jennifer Aniston. Far sexier than Angelina Jolie, I say.
5. Because I can't think of a fifth, I'm going to use this spot as trade bait with my GF: Only four women on my laminated list in exchange for a "once-a-year" pass like Andrei Kirilenko gets from his wife.
Hottest TV actress: Don't watch TV, except for news and sports. But is Alyssa Milano still on "Charmed?" Is "Charmed" still on the air?
Hottest TV newswoman: Hmmm. Tough one, because the Phoenix market is rather devoid on this count. I'll throw out two from the past: Erin Moody (KCCI, in Des Moines) and Claire Shipman (NBC).
Hottest Model: Betcee May. No contest. http://tinyurl.com/mvg35 (NSFW)
Hottest Musician: This may be dated, but I'll say Shirley Manson.
Hottest Athlete: Alyssa Milano, for her unsung role as (cough) bullpen catcher.
Should Pete Rose be in the Hall?
*Eliza Dushku yummy
*Jessica Alba, she has gotten even more beautiful since Dark Angel
*Kierra is a must as well
*The crazy intense girl in the Victorias Secret magazines. Dont know her name but she is wicked gorgeous.
*the younger Sarah Michelle Geller. the first couple seasons of Buffy younger. When we were still fantasizing about a Buffy Faith relationship. still am accualy :D
*Eliza Dushku, seriously, both me and my girl are in love with her. were still hoping that she becomes gay. please oh please.
Bri
the1trufaith@gmail.com
Come on TFD, admit it, you've got your own list. I'm guessing women who've appeared in Merchant/Ivory films.
It would seem that Will's number 1 choice would have much more interest in Bri and her girl than Will, not that there's anything wrong with that.
By the way, Will, I almost chose Miranda Lambert. I also like Sara Evans a lot.
I would have put Jessica Alba on the list the past couple of years, but I think she has gotten a little too skinny for my taste. Amanda Beard was a close second in the athlete department. Anne Hathaway has definitely moved up the charts.
Come on people, Will and I are married and we still gave our choices out, so it's time for you to step up to the plate.
1) Shana Hiatt - why yes, I do spend too much of my time watching poker, why do you ask?
2) Kari Byron - nothing hotter then brains
3) Robin Wright - As you wish...
4) Jennifer Connelly - although she does need to eat a sandwich or two recently
5) Sherilyn Fenn - still holds the spot from the Twin Peaks days
Hottest TV actress: Tricia Helfer
Hottest TV newswoman: Well, not TV, and she's probably butt ugly, but NPR's Sylvia Poggioli has one of those voices. For TV, how about Ashleigh Banfield
Hottest Model: I dunno
Hottest Musician: Neko Case - it's all that voice...
Hottest Athlete: Jennie Finch
And your ceremony was beautiful :)
(geez, and I thought it was Jenn Sterger)
Sorry, I just have a "Veronica Mars" thing. Best show on TV. And yeah, Kristen Bell is hot. The real thing she has going for her is that she is a genuinely excellent actress, which most other hot TV people don't have on their side. But her butt doesn't measure up to Lauren Graham's.
1. Jennifer Connelly
2. Scarlett
3. Kate Winslet
4. Rachel McAdams
5. Tina Fey
Hottest Musician: Good call, Eric: Jenny Lewis.
2. I'll second Scarlett J.
3. Evangiline Lilly----like the sleeveless shirts
4. Phoebe Cates and a time machine to 1983.
5. Shakira.
My list:
1) Tia Carrere
2) Eliza Dushku
3) Lucy Lui
4) Katherine Heigl
5) Jessica Alba
Actress not yet named: Nikki Cox
Jessica Alba, Keira Knightley, Selma Hayek, Charlize Theron, Beyonce.
1 - Stacy Keibler
2 - Jessica Alba
3 - Salma Hayek
4 - Anna Kournikova
5 - Angelina Jolie
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