Your attention please:

Please be on the lookout for Shawn Estes. Shawn is 6'2, 200 pounds with blonde hair. He was last seen wearing a Cubs uniform and is left-handed. He was seen near Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati.

Shawn was kidnapped sometime before 7pm EST and his whereabouts are currently unknown. Please do not be confused with the impostor that took the mound tonight in Cincinnati. It is clear by his eight innings and three hits allowed that this is not the real Shawn Estes. That has to be a cleverly disguised Mark Prior pitching on short rest or perhaps some cyborg sent from the future to rescue the Cubs from the Dustinator.

If you have information regarding Shawn Estes, please contact the Cubs at 773 CUBS WIN.