Baseball Toaster was unplugged on February 4, 2009.
scott@scottlongonline.com
I'm going to be appearing on AOL's Sports Bloggers on Thursday and I need your help. I was asked to get from The Juice readers who they thought was their least favorite player in baseball. Just to make it interesting, Barry Bonds should not be placed on your list. Maybe he won't be a first ballot hall of famer now, but in the dickhead HOF, Bonds sits on a throne next to Ty Cobb. Please fill-in the comments section or send an email to scott@scottlongonline.com, so your vote can be counted.
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A follow-up with the Last Comic Standing auditions. The weather was awful, but should make for good television. There were hundreds of people who showed up and the judges ended up looking at somewhere between 100 and 150 people. Out of this group around 20 people were chosen for the Chicago finals, which took place in front of a live audience at Zanies Comedy Club later that night. I felt good about being chosen for the finals and had as good of a set as I felt I could manage, when considering each of us were given just 2 minutes a piece to perform.
There are 5 other sites that the producers of LCS are visiting and only 3 people from this Chi-town audition were picked. Since I didn't see the other participants, as Zanies is a small club and we were whisked back up to the green room after being on stage, I can't say if I felt the result was fair or unfair. I will say that I thought the production team which ran the auditions did as good of job as possible, under some very difficult logistics. (Weather, small space of the club, many mentally unstable people in line trying to obtain their show-biz break.)
Last Comic Standing will begin to air sometime in June (I think). I have no idea if I will appear in any of the episodes, but they did shoot a decent amount of footage and interviewed me a couple of times. While I would have liked to have been chosen, I felt the process was a lot better than most who discuss Last Comic Standing generally say. As I was mentioning in the green room to a few of the younger comics that were nervously waiting to hit the stage, it's a reality TV show, first and foremost, so the producers need to look at more factors than just who is the funniest person. Demographics factor in, especially after the template that American Idol has set.
Hopefully, for those of you that were curious, this answers some of your questions. It should be interesting seeing how the show changes with Anthony Clark taking over the host duties from Jay Mohr. I thought Mohr was great in the host role and while I'm not a huge fan of Clark, I never thought Last Comic Standing would turn out to be good televsion and I was wrong about that.
One final Chicago comedy note. My week at the Improv in Chicago has been pushed back, as the club fell behind schedule on the building front. My guess is that I will be there sometime in the Fall.
* Jose Guillen: just good enough to be dangerous, but not good enough to be great. A brat on and off the field.
* Gary Sheffield: I'll never forgive him for his contract tantrum with the Dodgers.
* Derek Jeter, not necessarily because of the man himself but because of what he's made out to be in the press. Not nearly as good a shortstop as he is a hitter, and a showboat besides.
* A-Rod: what was that sissy slap in the 2004 ALCS all about? Plus, the Curse of A-Rod.
* Robert Fick, for his display of classlessness in the 2003 postseason against the Cubs, punching Eric Karros' glove.
Special Honorary Retiree Mention: Nationals manager Frank Robinson, for being a thin-skinned, prickly jerk.
No, what fills my brain with blinding rage about Giambi is that on the day he signed with the Yankees for a krajillion dollars, he found it necessary to go on Letterman and bash Oakland. A classless, gutless move and that's why I'm a little bit disappointed after each game when Giambi isn't run over by a bus or crushed by a meteor or smote by an angry God.
Maybe this year...
He's not good and refuses to acknowledge that he isn't good and really never was good, just lucky.
Erstad.
Reasoning is similar to what is above on Erstad and Ortiz. If you read this guy's running commentary over the years, you can only conclude that he has by far the highest self-evaluation to talent ratio in the history of the game.
Honorable mention to Derek Lowe for his deft handling of his marriage.
btw, is this of all time, or current?
Close second: Carl Everett and his mad No Dinosaur ideology.
Of the still active ... Kris Benson, mainly for his inability to keep his wife's mouth shut.
Curt Schilling
Curt Schilling
Curt Schilling
Curt Schilling
Curt Schilling
He used to hit 10-15 batters a year in Boston, even with his great control, and then shows up in the NL last year and only hits 4 batters (because he can no longer hide behind the DH).
Great pitcher - even greater punk.
He may be the best pitcher of his generation but I'll never forgive him for the Piazza stuff. He has no class.
(having nothing to do with the steroid stuff)
1) Towl-over-the-head during the 93 World Series. Just totally classless, especially from a guy who tries to sell himself as the opposite.
2) "Open Letter to America". The last thing I needed to find on ESPN.com days after 9/11 was your right-wing Christian bullshit.
3) The right-wing Christian bullshit.
4) His complete and total inability to keep his mouth shut. Sometimes it's amusing, as in "mystique" and "aura" being dancers at a night club. Sometimes it makes me want to shove a meat-hook up his ass and drag him around behind my car for a while -- for example, "Don't forget to vote, and vote Bush." Dickwad.
5) His insistence on mentoring guys who are clearly baffled by him. If he starts taking credit for Jon Papelbon's success, they'd better put metal detectors in at Fenway, cos it's going to be a struggle for me not to do something physical to the man.
6) The fact that you just know he's never going away. He might retire after this season, but he'll be back. He'll be on Baseball Tonight. Or he'll do color for ESPN or some team (God help me I hope it's not the Red Sox). He'll do guest shots on Jim Rome and challenge Rome to a fight. He'll mouth off to the media about his former teams' play, and give those teams pointless, incorrect advice. Maybe he'll hook on as a pitching coach, teach nobody anything, and talk a lot to the papers -- because, above all else, the man is one of the worst media whores in baseball.
Oh yeah, and I almost forgot:
7) His pretentious, horseshit, aw-shucks man-of-the-people act. God, I hate that.
Jose Guillen
David Wells
Frank Thomas
Kevin Brown
Schilling
Sosa
Pedro
Julian Tavarez
Evey Set Up guy in the big leagues who needs to fist pump after striking someone out.
No good reason, just can't stand that guy, maybe because the team he plays for annoys me to no end and he and John Smoltz are the faces of the team. Yet I've always respected Smoltz. Am I alone with this dichotomy?
And I think the point of doing it without Bonds is that it's boring the other way. He'd win in a landslide, especially now. I think we're trying to test the water as to who else people hate the most.
Also getting consideration were Pierzynski, Arthur Lee Rhodes, Kevin Millar, and the Texas Rangers 2004 bullpen.
although Soriano is rapidly ascending the list. Just shut up and play ball.
Can I vote for Arte Moreno?
But since he's no longer active, how about Phil Nevin.
--David A.
(This is assuming we all agree on Beelze-Bud.)
2. Derek Bell - Every year he was in Houston the chain around his neck got a little bigger and a little shinier.
3. Antonio Alfonseca - See 2002 & 2003
4. LaTroy Hawkins - See Alfonseca but change the years to 2004 & 2005
5. Julian Taveras. I didn't like him even before he got caught cheating.
unfortunately, much of usenet was like that. you can go back to r.s.bb and see how your partner's book got started...
and didn't know clark had taken over from mohr; i previously thought mohr had some kind of production / ownership of the show. maybe not...
i've hated bonds long before the steroids stuff. think he's an amazing talent, under-rated by the press and more for years (should have had more mvps)...but i never liked his personality.
PETE ROSE! (more later)
the one non-baseball athlete i really don't like is bill russell. there's countless stories of being awful with autographs (long before athletes were flooded with requests), promising autos to kids if they got teammate X to sign (and when he did, refused anyhow), and being generally arrogant. i don't mind the not signing part (steve carlton used to, mike marshall would only if you'd get teachers signatures), but it was the whole package.
the ballplayer i don't like is pete rose, for his lying for 10+ years and arrogance to the world. ironically though, he's awesome with autographs if you pay him.
i didn't like keith hernandez for his lying for the coke stuff, and ruining one or two people's careers...
I'm stuck.
If Phillips doesn't count then Jeff Weaver.
But Jeff Kent is only Sauron to Paul O'Neill's Morgoth. Oh, man, did I hate Paul O'Neill. Even thinking of him now fills me with rage. Rrrrr.
Not for being a bad player, he wasn't always so. But for being a very bad team leader. When Danny Graves was shown the door after throwing kerosene on the first two months of last season, "The Mayor" comes out all cryin and whiny about how betrayed he feels. A real team leader steps up and sez "I feel bad for Danny, but we need to move on cuz he... y'know... sucks."
Get ready for some serious suckitude Pirates Fans!
Although annoying, I can't really dislike somebody for their personality. For me this pales in comparison to the kind of crap you see from Alfonso Soriano, who is acting like a 2 year old.
close second: Andruw. Spell your damn name right.
With apologies to Everett, Bradley, Guillen, Thomas, Bonds, A-Rod,, Jim Edmonds and Jeff Kent, I'd have to say Pierzynski.
Huge cubs fan, used to love him. Then I realized he is a prima donna and a pretentious douchebag. Skipping out on his team on the last day of the season before the game ended was bad enough. Then having the balls to argue when the team fined him 1 games pay because apparently that isn't 100% logical. He's a jerk and I think it's very sad that he had turned into such a pariah in baseball when the entire country used to love him.
I like ARod though. Go figure.
Sosa is still #1 on my hated list.
Current player, Bonds removed? Gotta go with Sheffield.
In 2004 Ross struck out (no surprise there). Nomo batted next and hit a homerun, one of only 3 hits of the season. Everyone in the dugout was excited for Nomo, except Ross, who I heard accusing him of 'showing him up'. Ross' tone was both insecure and meanspirted. Least favorite player from that day forward.
Michael Tucker.
I've never seen someone so self-important who totally thinks it is all about him. I was present at a game where he hit a 3-1 groundout, but when Jeff Weaver was coming over to cover, his path to the bag intersected with Tucker. Tucker got pissed off and made it personal, shoving Weaver and going after him.
Later, the game is a laugher, and Eric Gagne is in to get some work. This was during Gagne's streak, I think, and at that point, nothing could be said except he had deadly control. One pitch is a little high and tight. Replays showed that it was not far above the letters, and not more than an inch off the plate, but Tucker hits the dirt and treats it like Gagne was throwing at his head. He gets up and starts towards the mound, posturing and gesturing and shouting. Gagne laughs at the diminuative Tucker, dropping his gloves (remember, he grew up a hockey player) for the fight. It doesn't come, but Gagne gets ejected from the game (maybe even suspended, I can't recall).
Real class.
A-Rod comes next for that 2004 ALCS swipe at the glove while being a baserunner, then acting like he didn't do it on purpose. Uh huh. Bonds is top of my list 'cause you can't believe a thing he says, and I lost all respect for A-Rod when he tried to cheat, got caught (on TV, no less), and then denied it. He should have said "I don't know what I was thinking: I'm competitive, and I lapsed on how that's not a fair way to get on base. The umps made the right call."
(Dishonerable Mention: Burnitz, Grissom, Odalis, Sammy, Raffy, Bonds.)
All time, Rose and his 'greenie' fueled hustle.
Schilling. Not for any particular reason; I'm just jumping on the bandwagon.
Roger Clemens
First of all Duaner, your name is freaking annoying. Duaner. Dwayne-er. It sounds like a pakistani cowboy.
Secondly, listen duaner. This isnt little league. When theres a time out we dont sit on our knees and pick the grass out of the field. And we dont THROW OUR GLOVES AT THE BALL!!! Now granted, that was the first time Ive ever seen anyone make contact with the ball, but still Duaner, take the dip-stick and dumdums out of your back pocket and pitch.
Thirdly, after hitting said ball with glove, dont laugh about it. A run scored and the batter, who should have been out on a chopper to short, gets a triple. Is this funny? Did someone say "booger" and you started giggling. Did Jeff kent fart or something? because giving up a run scoring triple on a ground ball up the middle is not my idea of high comedy.
Fourth, after hitting said ball with glove, and laughing about it, its probably not a good idea to give up a homerun to javier Vazquez. Yes, Javier Vazquez. The pitcher. In the 7th inning. Whats even more pathetic is that Javier Vazquez didnt even come out to pitch the next inning. Boy, good thing Oscar Villereal was warming up in the bullpen, or he might have come up and lit you up.
Lastly, whats with the goggles Dwayne-er? Until you save 537 games in a row, win a cy-young award, and get a new name, you dont deserve to wear goggles. And pull your pants up. Dwayne-er.
I think all the Curt Schilling hate is funny. I just remember Schilling jogging into Fenway to make his first appearance as a closer, welcome to the Jungle, Eric Gagne's entrance song blaring, only to blow the game to A-Rod and the Yankees. What a loser!!
Honorable mention goes to Wilton Guerrero. Wilton, not only did you suck, you corked your bat and got caught. And you sucked, what good was corking your bat gonna do? The weak fly ball to third base makes it into shallow left field? Moron.
(Schilling very close second)
As an overall fan of the great game-Barry Bonds. I don't think that one needs any explanation.
My least favorite (for real SB) player since 2003 has definitely been Carlos Beltran.
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