Baseball Toaster was unplugged on February 4, 2009.
scott@scottlongonline.com
Ok, I'm not a regular viewer of American Idol, but I try to catch a couple episodes each season, so I know what's going on in our Pop Culture. (I do a lot of radio, so I've got to keep up. Comedy homework.) My experience with the show has been that I am very underwhelmed by the talent on the show. Finally there is someone who has real ability this season and Constantine is his name.
Last week while watching the American Idol contestants were doing rock and roll songs and one after another of them turned out stuff I could hear at my local Kareoke Hut. (Kareoke Hut is TM of Scott Long) My favorite part was when some American redneck did his version of Freebird, which Randy gave a good job dawg to. (surrealllll) Then Simon mentioned in all his knowledge of American rock music that he should have chosen a song more recognizable than this. I'm paraphrasing this exchange, but I think this was the juxt of it and I would just suggest Mr. Cowell not make a trip to Alabama, where Free Bird is played instead of the National Anthem, anytime soon.
Now back to this Constantine cat. I had a friend tell me he had caught this guy do Bohemian Rhapsody on AI and he had knocked it out of the park. (baseball analogy for you not familiar.) So I watch, because it takes a full jockstrap to do this song on live television and while I didn't think it was as good as the one of a kind Mr. Mercury, it was a good effort. What stands out about the guy is that he has a great rock look and is kick ass performer. Finally someone on the show who has the 3 quintessential elements of being a rock star. Talent, performing ability and the look in the eye which says lock up your daughters.
As readers of mine have noticed in the past, the same things that makes me dislike Clay (my ears are) Aching is what makes this Constantine so good. Aiken has a decent High school musical voice, but to be able to sell out arenas with his talent, uh, don't get it. Aiken is Barry Manilow without Manilow's greatest talent, songwriting. I don't know if Constantine can write songs, but he has great versatility of ability and commands a stage. Sorry Clay-nation, but Aiken has all the rock chops of a Sunday school teacher. His act should be on the stages of the 700 Club opening for Stephen Michael Chapman.
Now, since I've only seen parts of two programs this year, I asked another friend to give his capsule on the season, so far, as he has watched much more diligently. This man Will go nameless, but to give you a hint on his identity let me mention he is an expert on medical and political issues, so of course he has great insight on reality television programming. Here is his review of AI 2005.
"It's been a demographic nightmare as each week's had the pretty girls
voted off while this year's Clay-clone Anthony Fedorov skates through
with horrid performances. We're left with a Johnny Van Zandt ripoff, a
show tune belting rock-poseur, and a country singer that would be
better off on Leann Rimes' show.
Ozzie's (Smith) kid - renamed Nikko by the show - was an Usher knockoff. A very
good Usher knockoff most weeks, but there's just no real way to show
personality without being the Fran Drescher clone that went away in
Week 2.
Seriously - everyone in this competition is easily explained away in
simple marketing terms. That's why the show is both popular and dying,
all at once."
Good analysis, UTK. My thoughts on what would really kick the show up a notch next season would be to demand that each person have to perform an orignal song. Make sure that at least the lyrics would be written by the contestant and give more points to any person who came up with the music, also. You see, the biggest flaw with American Idol is that there are so many talented young people who do these things, but sadly are unknown in comparison, because they're not promoted on a national TV each week. Check out Rufus Wainwright, John Legend, Joss Stone, Jaime Cullen, etc. and then you will have no need for AI, unless you want to catch Simon eviscerate someone with his snotty English 'tude. And think if this show went off the air, no more Ryan Seacrest. Late.
The funny thing about Constantine is that he started this season pretending to be an authentic hard rocker, but next to Bo he came across like a shrieky poseur. Once he realized he couldn't win the sub-contest of "Rocker Idol," he started drawing on his classical theater training and has been doing showier stuff like "Bohemian Rhapsody," and he's been much better. But he's still a phony; just a versatile phony who knows how to flirt with the camera.
And isn't that what entertainment is about? Taking your modicum of talent and getting excited and entertained by it.
Btw, the best rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody still goes to Mike Myers and Dana Carvey. SNL rules.
You see, the biggest flaw with American Idol is that ...
it tells me you don't know what you are talking about. This is not AI's biggest flaw, but its raison d'etre!
You see, AI is not about finding talent, it's not about doing something good. It is pure Hollywood, the same Hollywood that gives us razzle dazzle to obfuscate the truth. This show is geared to the 14-yr old teenage girl in us (and there seems to be quite alot of us here), and it succeeds.
AI being a talent search is like saying society monetarily rewards good hearted people like social workers instead of atheletes. America is not heaven, and Hollywood is not utopia. It's not even Iowa.
All four seasons, and now this year...I can't stop...
I've never been addicted to hard drugs, but I imagine this is what it is like...
I'm actually rooting for Constatine to win, because it will make it so much easier to never watch again...
Ugh...
Matthew Cerrone
MetsBlog.com
Tango- I love when you break down AI. I know you are somewhat of a cult figure among baseball stat-geeks, but I think you are missing out on your real calling: Breaking down topics that feed our 14 year-old girl. Great post.
"All the kids on American Idol have good voices, but who cares?"
The show's not turning out pop idols but reality show stars, with about the same cache as the Survivor winners or those MTV kids who cling to their fame in those "Real World-Road Rules" challenges. Would you pay to buy any of these people's cds, or go crazy trying to get tix when they rolled into town?
I'd maybe go see Bo Bice if he was playing at a bar and I was meeting people there anyway, but that's about it.
Also, I agree that Constantine isn't the best singer, but he is the best performer. And, this isn't a rock'n'roll contest, it's a regular singing contest, where any genre of music goes.
Anyways, getting back on topic, it's quite obvious that Constantine is fake. But you know what, who cares? That's what the industry has come to. No one is who they say they are anymore. Constantine can work the camera, he's not necesarily the best singer, but he has the "X Factor."
As for the others, Bo is so incerdibly 'blah' it's insane. Where's his personality? I'm not seeing it. He's too laid-back. Scott = terrible. End of story. Why is he still there? Anthony is a poor man's Clay. He doesn't deserve to be there; he's surfing on Clay's card, and as soon as the show is over he will fade into oblivian. Vonzell is OK. She sings well, but again, she is, too, a little boring. Carrie is an outstanding singer and she is absolutely gorgeous, but she's much better suited for a country show. Like Nashville Star, for instance. Anwar, as well, was a beautiful singer, and his smile was to die for. I think he was kicked off too soon; I don't think he had it in him to win, but he should've atleast made it past Scott and Anthony.
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