I'm no apologist for Kerry. His campaign is an unmitigated joke and his success has less to do with him than it does his not-Bush-edness. His positions are weak, he comes across poorly on TV, but did I mention he's not Bush? Seriously, what's Kerry's slam dunk issue?

(And I'm not even talking about Drudge's idiotic Hillary rumors. If it happens, I will publicly hunt, kill, cook, and eat a crow. A real f--king crow.)

So what Kerry needs is some advice from a baseball writer with half-baked political ideas. Hey, I can play Junior James Carville if I want on my blog. Here's the meme to set up:

John Kerry:"As my first act as elected President of the United States, I will pardon George W. Bush of all crimes. Just as with Nixon, the country must go forward and a divisive court battle will not help unite our country. President Bush made mistakes, but I will not stand for the type of partisan politics of personal destruction that we have faced over the last decade."

Brilliant, isn't it, in it's slippery way? I didn't invent soundbite politics, I just understand the rules.