I’ll steal from Will Carroll here.

New Rule #1: A rule is not a statement like "I wish that I had a pony, and that George Bush would go away." When you make a list of New Rules, the rules have to be, you know, rules.

New Rule #2: If someone breaks a rule, do not simply point out the fact that they violated the rule. Instead, tease the violator, with good nature, but without mercy.

New Rule #2, subparagraph (A): New Rule #2 applies to Mr. Edw. for commenting "Hey, Wilbur, you broke the rules for haiku".

New Rule #3: If you find a magic genie to grant you one wish, you are not allowed to waste that wish on picking a Vice President. That's like using your first pick in your fantasy draft to choose a backup catcher.

New Rule #4: Don't ever use the word non-partisan in a sincere manner. Even if something is truly non-partisan, it's not.

New Rule #5: I wish that I had a pony, and that someone would create a truly non-partisan political blog, where a group of intelligent people, who have genuinely not made up their minds in advance about the issues of the day, would enlighten everyone with their wise and witty objective explorations.

New Rule #6: There were two flags thrown on the last play. The first flag is for Incompetent Recursive Humor. By rule, that penalty is declined. The second flag is for Noodle-Brained Naive Idealism. That penalty is accepted. Penalize the writer seventeen syllables, and replay the rule.

New Rule #5: When in doubt, quote Goethe:

Tell a wise person, or else keep silent,
because the massman will mock it right away.

New Rule #6, subparagraph (A): You are now allowed to feel optimistic about the economy. The Arneson Economic Indicator Of Unemployment (AEIOU) has taken a sudden turn for the better. The AEIOU operates on a 0-10 scale, where Level 0 means "There are no jobs worth bothering to apply for" and Level 10 means "Recruiters call you so often you consider changing your phone number." The AEIOU has been stuck at Level 0 for most of the past year. The AEIOU reached Level 1 in April, when out of the blue, several promising job listings appeared. Today, it leaps all the way up to Level 3, as I actually have a job interview.

New Rule #6, subparagraph (B): Don't expect to get a job just because you got an interview. Remember, while your competition has been actually working, you've been sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday, man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long. Nobody likes long faces. Well, nobody except Jay Leno's mom and the odd John Kerry supporter.

New Rule #7: Don't end your New Rules list on a subparagraph.