(This is the last of 3 part series)

With all the talk about drug testing for players, why aren't we more focused on the real addicts, big-league managers. From Jack McKeon?s geritol abuse to Bob Brenly's Retin-A habit, manager?s drug addiction is baseball's dirty little secret. It should be noted that despite these substance problems in the managing profession, Larry Bowa should be prescribed some type of lude.

Vice President Dick Cheney threw out the first ball on opening day in Cincinnati. Analyzing his pitching form is like doing the same for his political style; throws a lot of junk, with deception the key to his delivery.

Donald Trump is trying to copyright the phrase, "You're Fired." Excuse me, but didn't George Steinbrenner already do that in the 1980?s?

Another Scott Long scoop! Commissioner Bud Selig, after his "stunning" success whoring out opening day to another country is set to open the 2005 season in Haiti. The commish does recommend all players to wear their batting helmets and cups, even when they are checking in at their hotel. The games will be shown on the Travel Channel, as part of their series, "The World?s Most Dangerous Places". The announcers for the game will be Rex Hudler and Robert Young Pelton.

Look out for my mid-season report card sometime in May!