"Hi, I'm Ryan Seacrest and welcome to ..." [Cue theme] " ... American Candidate!

"After months of tryouts and the grueling cuts of Washington Week, we're down to our final twelve. These Senators, Governors, former cabinet members, Fortune 500 CEO's and one surprise selection -- Bobby O'Sullivan, a cop from The Bronx -- will face our judges, so let's bring them out." [Cue lights, cut to judges.]

"You all know our panel of judges, so I can skip most of the intros. Our first judge is no stranger to the world of politics, having run for President twice. Please welcome ... Rev. Al Sharpton!"

"Yo, Ryan, what up, dawg?"

"To his left, the beautiful and talented ... Laura Bush!"

"Thanks, Ryan. I'm so happy to be here."

"I'm just happy to hear you speak, Laura. Your eyes look a little glassy, do you feel okay?"

"Of course, Ryan. You look great!"

"Yeah, ok. And finally, they call him the Dark Lord of politics, the only man who could fill the chair of Simon Cowell, it's ... Karl Rove."

"Fine, let's get on with it, Ryan, before you try to have a gay marriage with Clay Aiken."

"Ooh, he's tough already. As you know, this contest will help decide the next United States President. Your votes, texts, and web votes will decide who stays ... and who goes. Each week, we'll cover one topic, from the economy to immigration, from social causes to the Second Amendment. We'll have mentors in on each week to help define the debate and this week, we'll open with ..." [cue music and lights] "... Climate Change! To help us, there could be no one better than ... former Vice President Al Gore!"

***

The sad thing is, this might be a better system.