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An All-Timer
2008-09-20 16:35
by Scott Long

It is now official: The United States is the greatest empire in World History. Here is why we can finally claim it.

In 2000, our nation was feeling so good about itself that we decided to try the ultimate experiment. We elected a guy who had been a failure at pretty much everything he had done in his life.  Here is the guy's resume we chose.

  • A dubious period in the National Guard. *
  • A failed attempt to run his own energy company, which looked even worse considering all of his connections and that the industry was booming at the time. 
  • Using his Dad's influence, he was installed as part of a ownership group of the Texas Rangers.  There is no record I could find that he had done anything particularly positive in his position, well except for himself.  (He borrowed $600,000 from the bank his dad had been a partner in and was given 10 percent of the sale of the team in 1998, which netted him $15 million.)
  • He had overall a non-descript time as Governor of Texas, which isn't that surprising since the state doesn't give much power to the person in that position, as it is run more by the Texas legislature. **

*  It should be noted that his time in National Guard was a success in keeping him out of Vietmam.

** He did manage to sign the execution papers for more people than any other Governor has done in Texas history.  (1 every nine days)

Has there ever been a person in this country's history who has held so many positions he was ill-suited to do?  I can't think of one.  Since he has been President, I can't name one thing he has done that made the country better.  I have always thought his best moment was after 9/11 when he used a bullhorn at Ground Zero.  I'm surprised he didn't use one at all times after that, because the sound a bullhorn makes works well with his speech pattern causing him to sound less like a dumbass. 

So here we are on the brink of a financial collapse, stuck in a war with no end, and with the same exploding entitlement issues he inherited not even been touched.  Yes, things don't look good, but we are still standing.  Maybe not as tall and as proud, but we are still upright.  We installed the worst 2-term President in our history and we are still around.  This just speaks to how great our Nation is.  And if you disagree with me, well you are not a Patriot. 


A friend sent me a transcript that I found interesting.  Check it out.


2008-09-20 18:45:54
1.   D4P
I'm left to wonder what Bush supporters got out of the deal. Did Bush reduce abortion rates? Did he reduce gay marriages?
2008-09-20 19:35:17
2.   Orly Yarly NoWai
Nice to see some baseball content, Scott!
2008-09-20 19:42:50
3.   chris in illinois
I..................s h o u l d probably just sit this one out.
2008-09-20 19:50:07
4.   Andrew Shimmin
He successfully signed us up to give free pills to old people. He successfully raised the education department's budget 40%. Somebody must have thought those were good ideas.

CAFTA is a real success, but nobody cares about it. He quit fighting with the Canadians over soft lumber, and with the Japanese over steel, too, I think. Since we only care what the rest of the world thinks of us on subjects where we agree with them, though, no points are awarded for any of this.

1- Tax cuts plus Roberts and Alito. The last three guys the right put in the oval office had some problems on that last score. Abortion rates declined during Bush's tenure (to the extent that abortion statistics in this country aren't complete garbage--I'm not convinced that's true), but I don't think anybody would credit him with that. Same sex marriage rates went through the roof, but I don't think anybody would blame him for that.

2008-09-20 19:50:30
5.   Psychsound
I agree that Bush is a failure and a disgrace, but the bullhorn moment after 9/11 was nonsense. It was a photo-op, meaningless. He squandered the good will after 9/11 with a bogus war in Iraq. Don't let emotional moments like the bullhorn moment count as a success.
2008-09-20 20:34:32
6.   Scott Long
I believe the pills for old people was a bad bi-partisan program.

The bullhorn moment connected with people at a time that we needed him to do it. The rest of the bullhorn thing is a joke.

2008-09-22 05:59:20
7.   jgpyke
Bush's use of the bullhorn was clearly an homage to his fellow Texan Gibby Hanes, lead singer of the Butthole Surfers.
2008-09-22 07:34:42
8.   spudrph
3 But why, Chris? We're dying to hear about all the great things the Decider brought us. Do tell.....
2008-09-22 07:34:45
9.   chris in illinois
7 Sure it wasn't a nod to Al Jourgensen who---while he was largely based in Chicago---also lived in Texas for a spell?? Al loved himself some bullhorn too, besides GHWB might have thought that tracks like Psalm 69 were of a religious nature...
2008-09-22 11:41:43
10.   jgpyke
No, I think it was the Surfers, b/c one time Cheney had to talk Bush out of running a movie of a sex-change in reverse on a screen behind him at the SOTU address.
2008-09-22 12:01:39
11.   Scott Long
Considering that Ministry's song New World Order featured his daddy saying the title over and over, maybe Dubya was influenced by Al.
2008-09-22 12:45:22
12.   chris in illinois
8 I think m--a--y--b--e you have me confused with someone else.

(Dirty Chris in Illinois secret: I think George II has been a stinky president)

2008-09-22 12:50:56
13.   chris in illinois
11 Come to think of it, Ministry's live version of their awesome Stigmata has Al shouting "(fornicate) George Bush and (fornicate) his ugly wife".

I don't think George II would approve of that.

Butthole Surfers it is...If you've never heard the 'Surfers' cover of Roky Erickson's 'Earthquake', you've barely lived.

2008-09-24 07:37:48
14.   PBu
"There is no record I could find that he had done anything particularly positive in his position, well except for himself."

To be fair, didn't he arrange (or help arrange or serve as a figurehead for) funding for the Ballpark?

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