(Spoken in the tone of a toutsheet charlatan.)

Who was a sparkling 45-32 against the spread last year with his pigskin picks in the colleges? You got it, Scotty the Sleek. I promise I will beat your bookie like he's a bongo and I'm a native intorducing Kong! I have 4 games this weekend that just can't miss, so call 1-800-SWINDLE and get all these games for free. My high-pressure sales staff will get your number and then hound you for the rest of your natural born life or until you give us your credit card number. Operators are standing by now!

I realize that many of you could care less about picking football games, but as long as I continue to put up numbers like 45-32 number vs the spread, the Juice Blog will put up it's selections. I will put up my college Top 25 next week. I'm always a bit cautious early in the year, so these are all just 2 star games.

Best Bets

Colorado (-2.5) Colorado St.

Stanford (+17) UCLA

Michigan State (-20.5) UAB

Iowa (-12) Northern Illinois

I suspect that Coach Hawkins' turnaround of the Buffs will begin this year. While Harbaugh's mouth has gotten him into some trouble, I like the swagger he's bringing to Palo Alto. The Spartans have lost many games because of playing undisciplined football, which won't be the case with new coach Dantonio. While playing in Soldier Field is close to DeKalb (home of Cindy Crawford), the Hawkeyes will have close to 50 thousand fans at the game, so it will be like a metro version of Iowa City.