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scott@scottlongonline.com

Personally On the Juice
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Comedy 101
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Link to Scott's NSFW Sports Site
Overheard In New Orleans
2003-12-18 15:12
by Will Carroll
Notes:
Scott Long is now blogging at NSFWsports.com.
Will Carroll can still be found at Baseball Prospectus.

For fuller accounts, check out Joe Sheehan's great coverage at BP, Alex Belth's takes at Bronx Banter, and Jay Jaffe's recap at Futility Infielder.

The 2d Annual Winter Meetings Blind Quotes

"It's not like I'm at the stage where I'm consciously lowering my standards."

"Why are you calling me? I'm ten feet away from you."
"This is how I do business, okay?"

"He marches to his own drummer."
"No, I think he has his own band."

Upon seeing any man in any hat: "Look, it's Tracy Ringolsby!"

"You can't bluff if I'm not paying attention."

"I like looking at RBI."

"You're going to regret that second hurricane."

"I have Eric B and Rakim on my ringtone."
"Cool. I have King of Pain."

"What's in a hand grenade?"

"His clubhouse upside is Mookie."

"Who knew Nate Silver had a plus arm?"

A discussion of Jose Reyes in the press room: "He has the good face."

"All you're missing in there is the free half-bottles of Pepsi."

"Fisher Cats is not a team, it's my dentist."

"A.J. Burnett was better than our starting rotation down the stretch last year."
"A.J. was hurt and didn't pitch."
"Yep. See?"

"All three? Fuck no."

"Forget about business school. You got us a table for twelve on a Friday night in New Orleans. That's leadership."

"He's a human rumor mill."

"That's a little excessive for the Carolina League."

"It's not a secret; it's a formula."

"How did you get the first book deal? You're Forrest Gump, aren't you?"

"Does Nashville have a team left?"

"[That GM] is not ready for PECOTA, Nate. Let's get him past RBI's first."

"When Chris Singleton is the answer, you're asking the wrong question."

"I asked him for career advice and he sent me a Xerox copy of his media guide bio. I think I could have saved him the copying costs."

"People in the back having sex, come out!"

"Who's here? Bud? Coonelly? I thought I smelled pure evil a minute ago."

"He's rockin' the suit."
"Yeah and he's rockin' the bachelorette party."

"Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead."

"Have a minute?"
"Only if we can talk somewhere no one sees us."

"That's it. Me and Belth, we're gonna go take out George, Brooklyn-style."

"Manny's a complex guy."
"When did complex become a synonym for headcase?"

"The Orioles are spending the relocation fee fast."

"There's no rule against firing someone because they're an asshole."

"He's a great guy."
"Sure he's a great guy. No one's questioning his guyness."

"Ugly girls like to dance too."
"But no one pays to dance with the ugly girl."
"Could we please stop comparing Kenny Lofton to an ugly girl?"

"You won with a three five off suit?"

"How many pitches did Mark throw today?"

"Could you line them up and use them to take each other out, Red October style?"

"What's your favorite movie?"
"I haven't seen them all."

"Okay, tell me this: how many homers did chemistry have? I bet chemistry is league average."

"Lofton for two years?" [sound of Joe's head exploding]

"Sleep is for wimps. We're doing radio."

"It's better this year. Not all of my stories involve a bar."

"If Bob DuPuy was Commissioner, this deal would be done already."

"Joe went where? Jeez, he was SUPPOSED to come get me. I have to see this."

"Ugueth Urbina." Pause. "Let's move on."

"I'll come down, but you'd have to pay me $100 for every soccer practice and dance lesson I miss. I'd rather be with my kids."

"Where's Alex? He was just here."

"Good call on the mushrooms, Rene."

"These beignets are good. They're like a little alcohol sponge, aren't they?"

"Pinch me. I was just up in the [team] suite."

"No, you're one of us. If you had your face on your column, you'd have the same problem."

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