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The Laminated List 2008
2008-06-02 12:38
by Will Carroll
Notes:
Scott Long is now blogging at NSFWsports.com.
Will Carroll can still be found at Baseball Prospectus.

Each year, I put together a Laminated List, because you never know. The laminated list is one of the few good things that came out of "Friends" -- and no, I'm just not that in to Jennifer Aniston. She's a second rate Jennifer Gray and no, I can't get the really bad Ferris Bueller TV show out of my head. The List is basically a free pass, the five people you're allowed to deal with outside of your relationship without consequence. If my longtime list leader, Jodie Foster, not only decides to start being attracted to men, but bald ones with big heads, I'm prepared. The list isn't designed to be realistic; by definition it's not. It's a fantasy, but that doesn't mean I don't put extensive thought into it. If anything, my life shows that almost anything can happen.

Helping with my list this year is Jenn Sterger. My pal Jenn inhabits many men's Laminated Lists and is well acquaiinted with many of the women we'll discuss here today, so she'll offer a unique perspective. What follows is our IM conversation conducted live. In it you'll learn who almost made the list, some names to look for, and more about Jason Segal than I'm really comfortable with.

WARNING: Some of the conversation and many of the links are NSFW. I guess it depends on where you work and how much you like your job though.

2:22:16 PM Will Carroll: so Jenn -- do girls have Laminated Lists?
2:22:32 PM Will Carroll: or is there just an accepted Pitt-Clooney axis?
2:23:52 PM Jenn Sterger: Hmm.. Laminated lists??.. Eh.. I think girls are generally smarter than men when it comes to getting away with side action... but.. I guess there are certain people I know I would have an easier time explaining than others.
2:24:12 PM Jenn Sterger: I think it has to do with this whole idea of a novelty bang.. you know..
2:24:29 PM Will Carroll: Novelty Bang? That sounds much dirtier than Laminated List.
2:24:34 PM Jenn Sterger: the "COME ON... it was SO and SO... once and a lifetime blah blah blah"
2:24:35 PM Jenn Sterger: no..
2:24:54 PM Jenn Sterger: its not much different.. just a means of excusing your actions..
2:25:04 PM Jenn Sterger: its the WHOLE REASON behind the Laminated List
2:25:06 PM Jenn Sterger: Savvy?
2:25:09 PM Will Carroll: Exactly. Now, Ive provided you with a preliminary list.
2:25:22 PM Will Carroll: So let's get to it ... #1 on the list, as always, is Jodie Foster.
2:25:24 PM Jenn Sterger: which was meager by most industry standards
2:25:28 PM Jenn Sterger: btw..
2:25:53 PM Will Carroll: I don't think we have to discuss her qualifications or the inherent problems, but I am nothing if not loyal. That she's getting hotter as she ages doesn't hurt either.
2:25:59 PM Jenn Sterger: so don't get mad it I interject my personal recommendations... like they do at Barnes and Noble and shit like that..
2:26:15 PM Jenn Sterger: who is this again??
2:26:34 PM Will Carroll: Jodie Foster ... you might know her as one of the best actresses of this generation.
2:26:55 PM Will Carroll: smart, attractive, and a rebel streak ... yeah, I have a type.
2:27:15 PM Jenn Sterger: does your type include.. doesn't like the cock?..
2:27:19 PM Jenn Sterger: sheesh Will.
2:27:31 PM Jenn Sterger: I mean, the first flaw on this list is practicality...
2:27:43 PM Jenn Sterger: if you are going to choose a girl who prefers women,
2:27:47 PM Will Carroll: ok, I will admit that's a strike against her, but you never know. She might like the idea of the novelty bang as well. I'd be easier to explain to her girlfriend than you would be!
2:27:58 PM Jenn Sterger: you HAVE to know.. that somewhere is the innate drive that..
2:28:18 PM Jenn Sterger: given a BAC over the legal limit..
2:28:26 PM Jenn Sterger: and lower inhabitions..
2:28:45 PM Jenn Sterger: she would indeed... hook up with a dude..
2:28:50 PM Jenn Sterger: just my thoughts..
2:28:55 PM Will Carroll: Understood.
2:29:08 PM Jenn Sterger: Eh..
2:29:09 PM Will Carroll: ok, Foster's penciled in to her normal slot at #1
2:29:15 PM Jenn Sterger: I am not fosters type anyway...
2:29:27 PM Jenn Sterger: too fem.. and my boobs don't resemble a young boys.

2:29:27 PM Will Carroll: you don't drink enough?
2:29:38 PM Will Carroll: yowza ... ok on to #2.
2:29:40 PM Will Carroll: Shakira
2:29:53 PM Jenn Sterger: He'll be here all week folks...
2:29:59 PM Jenn Sterger: Shakira.
2:30:05 PM Will Carroll: I dont care that she doesnt have a last name, can't pick a hair color, and sounds like Cher ... hips don't lie baby.
2:30:15 PM Jenn Sterger: definitely top 5 material.. just dunno if she goes in the Two Slot..
2:30:33 PM Jenn Sterger: I mean
2:30:38 PM Will Carroll: her charity work over the last year is also improving her.
2:30:47 PM Jenn Sterger: don't you have to be able to understand the person you are hooking up with...
2:30:50 PM Will Carroll: i like to believe that dirty side action aside, they're good people
2:31:07 PM Jenn Sterger: hook up potential
2:31:11 PM Will Carroll: Her English is enough ... I mean, in her presence, I'm not sure my English skills would be much better
2:31:21 PM Jenn Sterger: should never be based on conscience...
2:31:36 PM Will Carroll: this is true. you should put that on a shirt
2:31:51 PM Will Carroll: so language skills are the worst you have on Shakira?
2:32:01 PM Jenn Sterger: Right next to my Bukkakke tshirt

2:32:03 PM Jenn Sterger: true..
2:32:17 PM Jenn Sterger: Language barriers..
2:32:22 PM Jenn Sterger: and limited positioning...
2:32:31 PM Will Carroll: limited positioning?
2:32:33 PM Will Carroll: with those hips?
2:32:39 PM Will Carroll: i can think of several ...
2:32:40 PM Jenn Sterger: I mean.. a girl with proportions like hers..
2:32:55 PM Jenn Sterger: gives you very limited viewing ability..
2:32:59 PM Jenn Sterger: on her back..
2:33:08 PM Jenn Sterger: she's like the great plains..
2:33:12 PM Jenn Sterger: flip her over..
2:33:26 PM Jenn Sterger: you're dealing with some ridiculously treacherous terrain my friend..
2:33:30 PM Jenn Sterger: I'm just saying..
2:33:49 PM Will Carroll: this is a good point, though I'm not your typical boob-obsessed American male
2:33:57 PM Will Carroll: present company excepted, of course.
2:34:29 PM Will Carroll: #3 ... another repeat
2:34:39 PM Will Carroll: and fast approaching untouchable status is Alicia Keys
2:35:03 PM Jenn Sterger: glad you will make certain exceptions..
2:35:07 PM Jenn Sterger: UGH.
2:35:10 PM Jenn Sterger: WILL!!!!!
2:35:15 PM Jenn Sterger: You must pick women.
2:35:16 PM Will Carroll: gorgeous beyond compare, great voice, very savvy, and having watched her "Iconoclasts" episode on IFC, her speaking voice is teh yum.
2:35:20 PM Jenn Sterger: THAT like MEN!!!!!
2:35:21 PM Will Carroll: what? what?
2:35:35 PM Will Carroll: She likes men! She's been .. wait, do you know something I dont?
2:35:37 PM Jenn Sterger: you like chicks that talk hood???..
2:35:41 PM Jenn Sterger: um..
2:35:47 PM Will Carroll: She has a long term boyfriend ...
2:35:47 PM Jenn Sterger: google her and Eve my friend...
2:35:54 PM Jenn Sterger: RIIIGGGHHHTT
2:36:02 PM Jenn Sterger: that she has never been photographed with..
2:36:04 PM Jenn Sterger: puh leeze..
2:36:16 PM Jenn Sterger: If you like hot black women...
2:36:21 PM Jenn Sterger: at least check out Rhianna..
2:36:22 PM Will Carroll: He's in her video!
2:36:27 PM Jenn Sterger: at least you have a chance...
2:36:36 PM Jenn Sterger: No Will, that is an actor..
2:36:36 PM Will Carroll: Rihanna to me is low-rent Ashanti who is low-rent Beyonce
2:36:44 PM Jenn Sterger: portraying a boyfriend...
2:37:00 PM Will Carroll: ALICIA KEYS AND HER LONGTIME HETEROSEXUAL PARTNER, KERRY "CRUCIAL" BROTHERS

2:37:05 PM Jenn Sterger: No... Rhianna's got a better body...
2:37:09 PM Jenn Sterger: and prettier eyes..
2:37:12 PM Jenn Sterger: KILLER eyes...
2:37:18 PM Jenn Sterger: Yes men...
2:37:20 PM Will Carroll: hmm -- let's link one in here
2:37:24 PM Jenn Sterger: WOMEN HAVE FACES!!!!
2:37:33 PM Will Carroll: RIHANNA

2:37:47 PM Will Carroll: yes, they do ... and yes, those are pretty eyes
2:37:56 PM Will Carroll: Im not a fan of her music -usic -usic
2:38:05 PM Will Carroll: and I think that works against her in the fantasy sense
2:38:28 PM Will Carroll: I also do not wish to be whacked by following Jay-Z into places besides the 40/40 Club
2:38:42 PM Jenn Sterger: of Rhianna.. ? that chick looks good EVERYWHERE... even in the tabloids..
2:38:55 PM Jenn Sterger: google shut up and drive..
2:38:58 PM Jenn Sterger: SOOOOOO hot..
2:39:15 PM Will Carroll: im not saying not hot. She's hot. I will give you credit on the eyes.
2:39:22 PM Jenn Sterger: Thanks...
2:39:36 PM Jenn Sterger: I do know my women..
2:39:46 PM Will Carroll: but wouldn't having a guy like Michael Buble sing to you have an element beyond looks?
2:40:00 PM Will Carroll: (feel free to bring in whatever singer floats your boat)
2:40:53 PM Jenn Sterger: hold on one sec....
2:41:03 PM Jenn Sterger: I have to go answer the door...
2:41:17 PM Jenn Sterger: and save my grandmother from being tackled by two dobermans...
2:41:29 PM Jenn Sterger: as she attempts to answer the door for a florist dude..
2:41:40 PM Will Carroll: in the meantime I will simply link this in: KRISTIN BELL

2:41:41 PM Jenn Sterger: Apology flowers...
2:41:58 PM Jenn Sterger: something you will need should you ever exercise your right to the list..
2:41:59 PM Jenn Sterger: LOL
2:42:04 PM Will Carroll: Kristin Bell ... oh yes. She gets points for sassy.
2:42:06 PM Jenn Sterger: Pro Flowers.com...
2:42:13 PM Will Carroll: I have ProFlowers in my Fave Five
2:42:19 PM Jenn Sterger: LOL...
2:42:27 PM Jenn Sterger: right after Kristen Bell?
2:42:30 PM Jenn Sterger: :)
2:42:47 PM Jenn Sterger: Kristin Bell is hotter than the other three
2:42:49 PM Jenn Sterger: hands down..
2:42:53 PM Will Carroll: (which is a good trick ... since I'm on AT&T)
2:43:11 PM Will Carroll: i think the bikini scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall will get her on many lists
2:43:11 PM Jenn Sterger: though I have heard mixed reviews on her personality from insiders
2:43:15 PM Will Carroll: i could not find a link
2:43:26 PM Will Carroll: see, that's the thing about the list ... I dont want to DATE her
2:43:31 PM Jenn Sterger: I am well aware of the scene you are speaking of..
2:43:38 PM Jenn Sterger: yeah...
2:43:48 PM Jenn Sterger: but if a chick has zero personality..
2:43:54 PM Will Carroll: the thing that's intriguing me is that even on Gossip Girl (a miserable show I couldn't make it through an episode of) her narration makes it hot
2:43:56 PM Jenn Sterger: odds are their skills will mimic that..
2:44:11 PM Jenn Sterger: You watch gossip girl???
2:44:15 PM Will Carroll: i believe I will not have the same problem as Jason Segal in a later scene in same movie
2:44:18 PM Jenn Sterger: hence all the miscasting on this list..
2:44:20 PM Jenn Sterger: UGH
2:44:32 PM Will Carroll: no, didn't make it through the premiere.
2:44:41 PM Jenn Sterger: Jason Segal may have the biggest penis ever

2:44:48 PM Jenn Sterger: barring porn stars of course...
2:44:51 PM Jenn Sterger: sorry
2:44:52 PM Jenn Sterger: ...
2:44:59 PM Jenn Sterger: side note for women who may be reading this..
2:45:03 PM Will Carroll: he'll be glad to hear that. maybe it was like Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights
2:45:11 PM Jenn Sterger: have to throw them a bone
2:45:15 PM Jenn Sterger: no pun intended.
2:45:18 PM Jenn Sterger: no.. wait
2:45:21 PM Jenn Sterger: TOTALLY was.
2:45:21 PM Will Carroll: or does seeing that on the big screen alter things
2:45:30 PM Jenn Sterger: Seeing it on a big screen
2:45:31 PM Will Carroll: "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear"
2:45:35 PM Jenn Sterger: made it look like CLOVERFIELD
2:45:36 PM Jenn Sterger: no..
2:45:41 PM Jenn Sterger: not traick camera work..
2:45:51 PM Will Carroll: ok --- enough penis talk. Kristin Bell is in
2:45:53 PM Jenn Sterger: not that I have personal experience..
2:45:54 PM Jenn Sterger: but..
2:46:02 PM Jenn Sterger: at least I know how guys feel when they meet me
2:46:02 PM Jenn Sterger: ...
2:46:06 PM Jenn Sterger: when I shook his hand..
2:46:09 PM Jenn Sterger: all I could think
2:46:10 PM Jenn Sterger: was
2:46:12 PM Jenn Sterger: penis
2:46:13 PM Jenn Sterger: penis
2:46:14 PM Jenn Sterger: penis
2:46:17 PM Jenn Sterger: ...
2:46:27 PM Will Carroll: which is exactly what he was hoping you were thinking. he wrote the script ...
2:46:30 PM Jenn Sterger: when guys meet me...
2:46:34 PM Jenn Sterger: they are like..
2:46:36 PM Jenn Sterger: damn...
2:46:42 PM Jenn Sterger: I have seen her nekkiddd..
2:46:46 PM Jenn Sterger: AWKWARD.
2:46:50 PM Will Carroll: i actually hadnt when i met you
2:46:56 PM Jenn Sterger: they just dunno that those are my old boobs...
2:47:02 PM Jenn Sterger: jokes on them. HA!
2:47:14 PM Jenn Sterger: Will, if your list has proven anything
2:47:22 PM Jenn Sterger: its that you like your women charitable
2:47:24 PM Will Carroll: ok ... so far we have three ... with Keys on the bubble
2:47:26 PM Jenn Sterger: and of the lesbian variety
2:47:27 PM Jenn Sterger: ...
2:47:28 PM Will Carroll: I am a noble sole
2:47:31 PM Will Carroll: soul, even
2:47:38 PM Will Carroll: ok, let's be uncharitable
2:47:38 PM Jenn Sterger: I say next year...
2:47:41 PM Will Carroll: Julianne Hough
2:47:51 PM Jenn Sterger: we do Laminated List madness...
2:47:57 PM Jenn Sterger: 64 in the field..
2:47:59 PM Will Carroll: young, blonde, hot, homewrecker ... whats not to like
2:48:01 PM Jenn Sterger: and have people vote..
2:48:03 PM Will Carroll: chicktourney!
2:48:09 PM Jenn Sterger: link please..
2:48:33 PM Will Carroll: JULIANNE HOUGH

2:48:40 PM Jenn Sterger: (and yeah.. the remaining too will have to chicken fight in a pool of jello... wearing nothing but whipped cream)
2:48:45 PM Will Carroll: yeah. she's on the list. and im normally not a fan of blondes
2:48:51 PM Jenn Sterger: sorry...
2:49:01 PM Will Carroll: copyright that idea ... and stop quoting all your own fantasies
2:49:19 PM Jenn Sterger: who is this chick
2:49:26 PM Jenn Sterger: and why is she important?
2:49:29 PM Will Carroll: Dancing With The Stars
2:49:51 PM Will Carroll: that doesn't make her important, it just introduced most men to the concept that ballroom dancing does something to a woman's body
2:50:09 PM Will Carroll: I could list one of about six women from that show on here, but Hough is still hands down the best
2:50:20 PM Jenn Sterger: yeah
2:50:27 PM Jenn Sterger: dont list the chick from hairspray in there
2:50:30 PM Jenn Sterger: PLEASE...
2:50:33 PM Jenn Sterger: she is ok..
2:50:41 PM Jenn Sterger: lacking some chesticals...
2:50:41 PM Will Carroll: Cheryl Burke gets an honorable mention. She's off the list only bc her odd yet exotic look is hard for me to get a handle on.
2:50:44 PM Will Carroll: ok? ok?
2:50:55 PM Will Carroll: well, as you show, that can be fixed were one to want to MESS WITH PERFECTION
2:50:57 PM Jenn Sterger: and enjoys dressing in outfits like the ones I wear to sporting events..
2:51:08 PM Will Carroll: she's not a Cowgirl, she's a dancer
2:51:18 PM Will Carroll: and in some of the bouncier numbers, i can see that as a hindrance
2:51:29 PM Will Carroll: i have, for instance, never seen you rhumba
2:51:36 PM Jenn Sterger: because..
2:52:01 PM Jenn Sterger: the only dancing I do is in front of the mirror with a brush ... lip syncing to britney spears greatest hits
2:52:02 PM Jenn Sterger: NAKED.
2:52:13 PM Jenn Sterger: and THERE is no lack of bouncing.
2:52:41 PM Will Carroll: I will pause to let all the men reading this go ... what's the term R&C use?
2:53:00 PM Jenn Sterger: term what..
2:53:01 PM Jenn Sterger: ?
2:53:10 PM Jenn Sterger: for enhancements?
2:53:16 PM Jenn Sterger: GABS???
2:53:22 PM Jenn Sterger: Guns A Blazing...
2:53:34 PM Will Carroll: no no ... I think "crank it" is the term I was looking for
2:53:48 PM Jenn Sterger: if dudes are cranking it to your blog..
2:53:50 PM Jenn Sterger: then clearly
2:53:59 PM Jenn Sterger: there is a whole nother issue at hand..
2:54:01 PM Jenn Sterger: ;)
2:54:05 PM Jenn Sterger: dada ching...
2:54:13 PM Will Carroll: Jenn Sterger naked singing Britney ...
2:54:15 PM Will Carroll: I'll move on
2:54:35 PM Will Carroll: Scott suggested that I was a "fancy lad" and should list Cate Blanchett
2:54:42 PM Jenn Sterger: ewwww.
2:54:51 PM Jenn Sterger: does scott also fantasize about men..
2:55:32 PM Will Carroll: I would agree -- I like Cate's work (and she looks much better than Titanic chick here: CATE BLANCHETT

2:55:41 PM Will Carroll: but I dont think she's list material
2:55:49 PM Jenn Sterger: Def not..
2:55:49 PM Jenn Sterger: but
2:56:01 PM Will Carroll: I also had a suggestion for Jenn Sterger

2:56:01 PM Jenn Sterger: may I offer you some advice for future candidates..
2:56:02 PM Jenn Sterger: ?
2:56:11 PM Will Carroll: naked Britney singing aside, I dont think I like you that way
2:56:18 PM Will Carroll: and besides, isnt she so 2006?
2:56:20 PM Will Carroll: ;)
2:56:30 PM Jenn Sterger: 2006 is pushing it..
2:56:37 PM Will Carroll: I live in Indiana, not Kentucky.
2:56:38 PM Jenn Sterger: I think pre k fed was best..
2:56:43 PM Jenn Sterger: but..
2:56:46 PM Will Carroll: yes, feel free with the suggestions
2:56:49 PM Jenn Sterger: you want some hot ones...
2:56:51 PM Jenn Sterger: hmm
2:56:58 PM Jenn Sterger: hold please while I google..
2:57:00 PM Will Carroll: I still have several more ...
2:57:05 PM Will Carroll: Nicole Scherzinger

2:57:06 PM Jenn Sterger: and peruse my friends list..
2:57:08 PM Jenn Sterger: eh
2:57:13 PM Jenn Sterger: poor mans kim kardashian
2:57:21 PM Jenn Sterger: and nothing without her 5 friends..
2:57:31 PM Will Carroll: Cheryl Tweedy?
2:57:35 PM Jenn Sterger: link?
2:57:53 PM Will Carroll: CHERYL TWEEDY

2:58:03 PM Will Carroll: and people ask me why I watch soccer ...
2:58:14 PM Jenn Sterger: eeh...
2:58:16 PM Jenn Sterger: not bad..
2:58:25 PM Jenn Sterger: I have friends that look very similar..
2:58:30 PM Jenn Sterger: girl next door
2:58:32 PM Will Carroll: Eliza Dushku is off the list ...
2:58:37 PM Jenn Sterger: with an edge of trailor park
2:58:40 PM Will Carroll: similar? why have i not met these friends?
2:58:58 PM Jenn Sterger: eliza..
2:59:02 PM Will Carroll: Ashley Pena could make the list if she didn't only date felons
2:59:05 PM Jenn Sterger: she is def off the list..
2:59:13 PM Jenn Sterger: her new man isn't too bad..
2:59:16 PM Jenn Sterger: naive..
2:59:31 PM Jenn Sterger: but not a member of the krypts..
2:59:42 PM Will Carroll: Natalie Portman is an honorable mention this year
2:59:49 PM Jenn Sterger: nice ass for a small girl..
2:59:57 PM Jenn Sterger: I give her that
2:59:58 PM Will Carroll: yes, and again the smart
3:00:18 PM Will Carroll: Paz Vega gets an honorable mention ... she hasnt been on my radar long enough to know for sure
3:00:31 PM Will Carroll: how about Kate Beckinsale?
3:00:43 PM Will Carroll: every time i see a picture of her, she gets better looking
3:00:56 PM Will Carroll: and every time i see a picture of her with her kid, I just shake my head in wonderment
3:01:06 PM Jenn Sterger: Kate is way hotter now that she ditched the crappy implants she had..
3:01:14 PM Jenn Sterger: though they left some stretch marks..
3:01:19 PM Jenn Sterger: but.. yeah..
3:01:29 PM Will Carroll: KATE BECKINSALE

3:01:37 PM Will Carroll: she had implants? when was this?
3:01:49 PM Jenn Sterger: awfulplasticsurgery.com
3:01:56 PM Jenn Sterger: while I know I aint fooling anyone..
3:02:00 PM Jenn Sterger: as long as I am not on there..
3:02:01 PM Jenn Sterger: I am ok
3:02:03 PM Will Carroll: wow ... that's news to me.
3:02:21 PM Will Carroll: not a disqualifying thing, but not sure she makes the list
3:02:22 PM Jenn Sterger: ok.
3:02:41 PM Jenn Sterger: compare pic number 19
3:02:59 PM Jenn Sterger: and 25
3:03:08 PM Jenn Sterger: or 38
3:03:12 PM Jenn Sterger: doo dah doo
3:03:14 PM Will Carroll: ahhh i see
3:03:17 PM Jenn Sterger: nice work detective
3:03:22 PM Will Carroll: ok, how about Kari Byron
3:03:23 PM Will Carroll: GIADA DE LAURENTIIS

3:05:57 PM Jenn Sterger: agreed on her..
3:06:09 PM Will Carroll: wow - id expected some pushback on Giada
3:06:39 PM Jenn Sterger: naw..
3:06:47 PM Jenn Sterger: her boobs are a little sloppy for my taste..
3:06:53 PM Will Carroll: define sloppy
3:06:58 PM Jenn Sterger: but so are charismas...
3:07:08 PM Jenn Sterger: sloppy:
3:07:12 PM Jenn Sterger: adj..
3:07:24 PM Jenn Sterger: losing the battle against the harsh forces of age and gravity
3:07:35 PM Jenn Sterger: would you like for me to use it in a sentence for you too
3:07:35 PM Jenn Sterger: ?
3:07:38 PM Jenn Sterger: or the origin?
3:07:40 PM Will Carroll: you are referring to Charisma Carpenter ...
3:07:49 PM Jenn Sterger: yeah...
3:07:55 PM Will Carroll: i know the origin, i just wanted all our readers to understand "sloppy"
3:08:03 PM Will Carroll: not every woman has your ... architecture
3:08:10 PM Jenn Sterger: the chick who clearly makes a lot of errors with her pencil
3:08:17 PM Jenn Sterger: if you know yao ming???
3:08:22 PM Will Carroll: i know yao ming
3:08:45 PM Will Carroll: any last minute nominations before I close this list?
3:08:48 PM Jenn Sterger: yeah...
3:08:51 PM Jenn Sterger: gimme a few..
3:08:54 PM Jenn Sterger: age restrictions?
3:08:59 PM Will Carroll: legal is always a plus
3:08:59 PM Jenn Sterger: or just legal good??
3:09:03 PM Jenn Sterger: true...
3:09:10 PM Jenn Sterger: any "fame" restrictions..
3:09:21 PM Jenn Sterger: or body type dislikes..
3:09:22 PM Will Carroll: and while the MILF designation is fine, lets try and stay out of GILF.
3:09:29 PM Will Carroll: i am a man of many tastes
3:09:29 PM Jenn Sterger: ok...
3:09:38 PM Jenn Sterger: google leticia kline..
3:09:46 PM Jenn Sterger: there is your MILF.
3:09:58 PM Jenn Sterger: and she is much better than dancing with the stars girl..
3:10:00 PM Jenn Sterger: imho
3:10:10 PM Will Carroll: LETICIA KLINE

3:10:14 PM Will Carroll: right or left?
3:10:22 PM Jenn Sterger: left..
3:10:27 PM Jenn Sterger: though.. I HATE that pic..
3:10:34 PM Jenn Sterger: her myspace pic is wayyyyy hotter...
3:10:55 PM Will Carroll: oh no, she's out out out
3:11:00 PM Will Carroll: and this link says why: ICK ICK ICK

3:11:22 PM Jenn Sterger: why???
3:11:34 PM Will Carroll: if Im not following Brad Penny, I'm not following Howard Stern's Sybian
3:11:35 PM Jenn Sterger: got something against the king of all media
3:11:58 PM Will Carroll: him, no? but i dont want to be against that sybian, even once removed
3:12:03 PM Will Carroll: there's not enough purell in the world
3:12:07 PM Jenn Sterger: need a taxi???

3:12:14 PM Jenn Sterger: :)
3:12:16 PM Jenn Sterger: hollerr.
3:12:20 PM Jenn Sterger: if you cant look at that..
3:12:27 PM Jenn Sterger: you know how I know youre gay...
3:12:27 PM Will Carroll: i think that taxi's been ridden a lot ...
3:12:32 PM Jenn Sterger: LOL
3:12:35 PM Jenn Sterger: ok
3:12:35 PM Jenn Sterger: so
3:12:38 PM Jenn Sterger: girls next door
3:12:40 PM Will Carroll: i can certainly appreciate ...
3:12:44 PM Jenn Sterger: is CLEARLY a type...
3:12:54 PM Will Carroll: yes
3:13:19 PM Will Carroll: and the house just down the street is for sale, just in case any of these women want to be the girl next door for me
3:13:25 PM Will Carroll: nice neighborhood, quiet, good schools
3:13:40 PM Will Carroll: ill even let them come over and meet your boyfriend, the chair
3:13:52 PM Jenn Sterger: google kerry suseck

3:14:48 PM Jenn Sterger: leave my boyfriend out of this
3:14:51 PM Jenn Sterger: lol
3:14:57 PM Will Carroll: oh my ... who is this?
3:15:02 PM Will Carroll: i like her as a brunette
3:15:20 PM Will Carroll: and i dont know what you call these: HOT ALMOST PANTIES.

3:15:30 PM Will Carroll: but i like them and would like to thank whoever came up with this
3:15:48 PM Jenn Sterger: Victorias Secret. Semi Annual Sale.. going on now..
3:15:54 PM Jenn Sterger: SHE..
3:16:07 PM Jenn Sterger: was Maxim's Hometown Hottie
3:16:11 PM Jenn Sterger: 2006.
3:16:17 PM Jenn Sterger: and is a good friend of mine..
3:16:17 PM Will Carroll: she wins
3:16:25 PM Will Carroll: smart?
3:16:27 PM Jenn Sterger: cute..
3:16:29 PM Jenn Sterger: smart..
3:16:32 PM Jenn Sterger: and good person
3:16:36 PM Jenn Sterger: all around.
3:16:37 PM Will Carroll: cant hold her liquor?
3:16:43 PM Will Carroll: has a thing for sports and bald guys?
3:16:43 PM Jenn Sterger: hmm
3:16:47 PM Jenn Sterger: possibly
3:16:55 PM Jenn Sterger: I know she is recently single
3:17:00 PM Jenn Sterger: so rebound is a definite
3:17:33 PM Jenn Sterger: the other girls I would list..
3:17:35 PM Will Carroll: hmm ... i will definitely give her an honorable mention and keep my eye on her for next year's version
3:17:42 PM Jenn Sterger: would be.. Megan Fox..

3:17:45 PM Will Carroll: no
3:17:49 PM Will Carroll: i dont get her
3:17:50 PM Jenn Sterger: why..
3:17:54 PM Will Carroll: i have no idea why
3:17:58 PM Will Carroll: same thing with Jessica Alba
3:18:01 PM Jenn Sterger: having another mans name tatooed on you is bad?
3:18:14 PM Will Carroll: I get that they're pretty ... no, wouldnt stop Angelina Jolie ... but I'm just not into them
3:18:25 PM Will Carroll: Fox is far too "flavor of the month" too.
3:18:29 PM Will Carroll: hot chicks come and go

3:18:50 PM Will Carroll: witness the disaster of Elisha Cuthbert (though at her best, she was even better than her pornstar lookalike Bree Olson, who should be on the honorable mention list ...
3:19:02 PM Will Carroll: or Jenna Jameson ... who was never on the list and is the worst porn star of all time
3:19:10 PM Jenn Sterger: ah...
3:19:11 PM Jenn Sterger: the puck slut?
3:19:20 PM Jenn Sterger: if you cant fake an orgasm..
3:19:25 PM Jenn Sterger: SOMETHING is wrong..
3:19:26 PM Jenn Sterger: lol
3:19:41 PM Will Carroll: Hockey's good, but Elisha's had all the ups and downs of Lohan without all the substance abuse
3:19:58 PM Will Carroll: and yes, I have finally acknowledged that even I can't help Lindsay Lohan
3:20:03 PM Jenn Sterger: yeah...
3:20:11 PM Jenn Sterger: you and every rehab clinic around..
3:20:28 PM Will Carroll: though those Marilyn pics ... there's still some hope there. We could have a resurgence at some point.
3:20:35 PM Jenn Sterger: no.. def not.
3:20:38 PM Will Carroll: and you'd think since she doesnt like men that i would love her
3:20:41 PM Jenn Sterger: those pics killed her for me
3:20:55 PM Will Carroll: i still like freckles
3:21:22 PM Jenn Sterger: Audrina Partidge

3:21:32 PM Jenn Sterger: thoughts?
3:21:50 PM Will Carroll: another show I have not watched
3:21:59 PM Jenn Sterger: youre missing out
3:22:01 PM Jenn Sterger: ON NOTHING.
3:22:14 PM Will Carroll: though I think I've made fun of it so much that I would lose street cred by listing her
3:23:27 PM Will Carroll: this one's always a classic:
3:23:28 PM Will Carroll: Alexandra Richards

3:23:46 PM Will Carroll: yes, Keith's daughter
3:23:47 PM Jenn Sterger: classic rock maybe
3:23:59 PM Will Carroll: i would be her jumpin' jack flash
3:24:03 PM Jenn Sterger: figures..
3:24:12 PM Jenn Sterger: I could sense some toddler drug abuse
3:24:15 PM Will Carroll: but alas, ive never figured out if she passes the smart test
3:24:28 PM Jenn Sterger: judging the effect drugs have on the brain
3:24:29 PM Jenn Sterger: ...
3:24:31 PM Jenn Sterger: case in point..
3:24:32 PM Will Carroll: yeah there has to be some chromosomal issues to the third level
3:24:37 PM Jenn Sterger: the egg commercials
3:24:41 PM Jenn Sterger: I am gonna go with no on this one
3:25:04 PM Will Carroll: hold
3:26:28 PM Will Carroll: ok -- life intruded
3:26:35 PM Will Carroll: any last second nominees?
3:26:48 PM Jenn Sterger: hmm..
3:26:54 PM Jenn Sterger: let me scroll the rolodex...
3:27:06 PM Jenn Sterger: hmmm.
3:27:07 PM Jenn Sterger: damn
3:27:16 PM Will Carroll: you know what's scary ... you have some of these chicks in the rolodex
3:27:21 PM Will Carroll: or saw them at the Hot 100 party
3:27:22 PM Jenn Sterger: kristen chenoweth
3:27:30 PM Will Carroll: Oh! Yes yes ... thats a good one.
3:27:49 PM Jenn Sterger: i know...
3:27:51 PM Will Carroll: the crazy Christian angle hurts, but she's got such a great voice
3:28:02 PM Will Carroll: "Pushing Daisies" is one of those shows everyone should watch
3:28:22 PM Will Carroll: hmm, does Chenoweth make the list, pushing off ... Shakira or Tweedy?
3:28:36 PM Jenn Sterger: either could go..
3:28:36 PM Will Carroll: I think Tweedy ... she's in a post-Spice Girls kind of group. That has to cost points
3:28:54 PM Will Carroll: i think you made a Popular selection there
3:29:07 PM Will Carroll: wait, Broadway references do not help my testosterone scores, do they?
3:29:12 PM Jenn Sterger: no
3:29:14 PM Jenn Sterger: avoid..
3:32:11 PM Will Carroll: ill take your silence as either the end of the list or the onset of ADD
3:32:16 PM Jenn Sterger: no..
3:32:18 PM Jenn Sterger: looking..
3:32:20 PM Will Carroll: *shiny object Jenn ... come back to the light*
3:32:51 PM Jenn Sterger: eh...
3:32:56 PM Jenn Sterger: got nothing for you..
3:33:04 PM Will Carroll: ok so the final list looks like:
3:33:18 PM Will Carroll: JODIE FOSTER

3:33:29 PM Will Carroll: SHAKIRA SHAKIRA

3:33:41 PM Will Carroll: KRISTIN BELL

3:33:59 PM Will Carroll: GIADA DE LAURENTIIS

3:34:20 PM Will Carroll: and ... KRISTIN CHENOWETH

3:34:30 PM Jenn Sterger: ok
3:34:36 PM Jenn Sterger: not my fave five..
3:34:37 PM Jenn Sterger: but..
3:34:42 PM Jenn Sterger: as your Angelina Jolie is not allowed on the list, because she's TOO perfect.
3:35:04 PM Jenn Sterger: ANY DAY.
3:35:30 PM Will Carroll: well, yes ... Angelina's in a different class. she's a black widow class destroyer of souls.
3:35:43 PM Jenn Sterger: my idol.
3:35:48 PM Will Carroll: exactly.
3:36:03 PM Will Carroll: so we'll deal with your five next time ... go back to singing, dear.
3:36:10 PM Jenn Sterger: will do..
3:36:23 PM Jenn Sterger: video blog to come..

Comments
2008-06-02 13:36:26
1.   Johan
Isn't there some kind of cut feature that will allow people to "Continue reading" without having to scroll past 3 feet of inane banter to get to somebody else's work?
2008-06-02 17:27:03
2.   tsengsational
Holy cow, this needed to be cut.
2008-06-02 18:12:07
3.   trainwreck
I must admit I never expected to see the term "puck slut" on the Toaster.
2008-06-02 18:17:32
4.   trainwreck
BTW, this is just further proof that an attractive woman can get a guy to do anything.

Even through an AIM conversation, Jenn gets Will to change the list of the five women HE would like to do a bang bang with.

2008-06-02 18:36:50
5.   Will Carroll
No, she didn't get me to CHANGE it, she helped me take a list of about 20 down to 5. Only real change is that she reminded me that Kristin Chenoweth should have been on my preliminary list. MOF, "Pushing Daisies" might be the closest thing on TV to the hot chick trifecta that was "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" (Gellar at peak, Carpenter, Hannigan) or "Veronica Mars" (Bell, Carpenter, and a rotating third that included Hannigan, San Giacomo, and Seyfried.) How I Met Your Mother could get that (Hannigan, Smulders) if they keep Sarah Chalke on cast.
2008-06-02 18:43:54
6.   trainwreck
5
My apologies.

I need to partake in the Yoda and read this whole conversation.

2008-06-02 18:45:44
7.   dianagramr
I hereby request that Fairpole institute an "ignore thread" capability ASAP.

I'm by no means a prude, but this was just painful to read ...

2008-06-02 18:47:38
8.   trainwreck
7
Is Ken back to his old tricks of forcing everyone to read everything again?
2008-06-02 18:54:57
9.   dianagramr
8

no .... but before it was edited to include a "cut", it was hard to avoid ....

2008-06-02 19:36:17
10.   Scott Long
I just hope that Will wasn't wearing flip-flops during this IM.
2008-06-02 20:45:21
11.   jgpyke
Lots of old folks on the list. Surprising.
2008-06-02 22:05:40
12.   fordprefect
11
get off my lawn!
2008-06-03 18:06:13
13.   Knuckles
Skeevy post, and to paraphrase a woman on no one but Ray Kinsella's list, "What's it got ta do with baseball?"
2008-06-03 21:05:18
14.   Agronox
Strikes me as the kind of thing you might talk to your friends about over beers in private but then never mention again.
2008-06-04 05:36:28
15.   jgpyke
Did the NYT publish Buzz Bissinger's laminated list article yet?
2008-06-04 08:02:36
16.   chris in illinois
15 Rumor is that Tony LaRussa checks in at #2.
2008-06-04 11:26:03
17.   Schteeve
I love the concept of this post. Also, my list is better.
2008-06-04 11:28:59
18.   Schteeve
Also, also, I think the term 'Laminated List' is rather inelegant. I would play off the recent Nicholson movie and call this type of list the 'Fuc* List.'

Comment status: comments have been closed. Baseball Toaster is now out of business.